A Few Thoughts Here And There

38 hours of traveling - That's a whole week!

2010-02-12T18:54:00.000-08:00

It's done. I'm officially unemployed for a week... Mind you, 38 hours of next week will be spent traveling. When I said that to someone, they said "Wow, that's a whole week!" I didn't give it much thought, until later on, when I was saying... Well, from Monday afternoon, until Wednesday night, that's not so bad. But, then, I realized that in a world where most people work 40 hour work weeks, 38 hours of traveling really is a whole week! It's a bit crazy... but, hey, that's me. I am slightly crazy. Let me tell you... I have been very crazy over the last few weeks. The poor people around me... :(

Let's just say I don't handle change well. Okay, that's not true. I like change. I don't like to have all the work I've done for the last year completely picked apart, and criticized. I think that was my biggest problem. That, and that I had to work with an arse who felt the need to talk down to me every chance possible. The good news is, I can stop being crazy now. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm done my job, and I left on a happy note. I did love my job, and I really actually did care for most of the people that I worked with. They really set up a nice lunch, gave me a great going away gift, and made me feel much appreciated.

Now... it's on to Korea! Soon Derek and I will be starting a new journey. I will take lots of pictures to post on the way. :)

See you on the other side shortly!!

Next Friday...!!

2010-02-02T18:33:00.000-08:00

WOW! I'm going to be finished my job next Friday. Previously when people asked me when my last day of work was, I'd say Feb. 12th. Now that we're in February, I can say next Friday! OMGosh.... It's really coming up soon!

Above is a picture that I took from a convenience/gas store that we visited last week on our travels. It is funny, and really made me think of Korea. Lots of signs are like this in Korea. :)

Are you getting excited?

2010-01-25T17:53:00.000-08:00

OMG.... I really appreciate that everyone is excited for us, but I'm getting kind of tired of this question. Is that bad? It's even worse because this week and next week I'm traveling a lot to different centers for work, and have to answer the question over and over again. Oh well... I guess things could be worse! LOL...

So, this week, as I mentioned, I'm traveling. I'm on the road, taking my replacement around to our centers, and introducing him to everyone. It's fun, and it is what I love about my job. There are some frustrating aspects, though. I don't really want to get into what's frustrating just yet, but eventually I may. Let me just say... I have some new MOTIVATION and am definitely rethinking some of my decisions. I know what I now do not want to become, and some of the problems that I do not want to see myself as having. There... that's all I need to say.

Simple Choices:

This past Friday my mom made pizza for supper. I LOVE her homemade pizza. There are times that I eat it to the point of almost explosion. I am full, but still cannot stop eating, because I LOVE it. It's the bestest homemade pizza ever! Well, last week Mom made 3 pizza's, and I had only one slice Friday night. Then, throughout the weekend, when it was meal time I would eat another slice, but I did not eat more than that. Always in my mind, I thought, "Okay, I'll take this one slice, and then come back for more." I never did, though. I'm actually really proud of that. That is a big change for me.

At dinner tonight I ordered from the Simply for Life menu. I also ordered a salad with a Balsamic Vinaigrette. That was very different for me. I usually order a creamy dressing, and usually I'd order maybe something less healthy. My meal was a little dry, the chicken stir fry didn't have any sauce on it, really, but whatever. The salad dressing tasted good when mixed with the rice. LOL.

Here's to making more simple choices to be healthy! I know I can do it... one day at a time, right?

I also found a great blog - here... This lovely lady has had weight loss surgery in Korea. It looks like it could possibly become an option for me if nothing else works out. Derek's not too fond of the idea, but by the time I am able to save the money for it, I might be able to convince him. I guess he's just worried about me, and that's really sweet. Of course, I appreciate that. Please check out the blog, it's really interesting reading!

I also have a new blog... This is where I will update everyone on our experiences in Korea. I'm sure they're going to be very exciting!

Stress Anyone?

2010-01-19T02:51:00.000-08:00

I posted the wrong post in the wrong blog.

Yeah, I can tell it's going to be one of those days already. :( GRRR...

2010-01-17T05:35:00.001-08:00

Create your own visitor map!

Appreciation & Perspective

2010-01-13T18:29:00.000-08:00

Just a few thoughts...

Appreciation:

1. I appreciate my parents. Derek and I are currently without a 'home' as we await next month when we can take an awesome new journey! I'm so excited. My parents have allowed Derek and I to come and stay in their home with them. Each day my father cooks us supper, we very rarely have to do the dishes (and if I do, it's only just drying for my mom), and Derek always does the laundry. I LOVE my family.

2. I appreciate my sister. She can drive me crazy at times, but she cares about me, and that's what I appreciate. She's really so soft-hearted, and that's probably why when she gets hurt, she gets really hurt and has a hard time getting over it. I appreciate how kind she is to me.

3. I appreciate Derek. He's so sweet. He takes good care of me. Sometimes when I've been coming home from work, he's in a mood to bug, and I might get irritated, but I have to remind myself that he's been sitting at home all day with nothing to do, there's no wonder he's in that kind of mood. He's my love, and I do appreciate him.

Perspective:

Almost 10 years ago, this was me, on my first trip to Korea! I used to think I was VERY BIG in this picture. Now, I'd LOVE to go back to this size. At least at this weight, I was semi-comfortable in an airplane seat. I could find clothes that fit me well, at a size 24ish. I realize that that weight was not really healthy either, but it was better than now.

Six years later, this was me on my way home from Korea. Yes, I had gained some weight. I spent six years in a relationship with a man who constantly told me I needed to lose weight, that I wasn't good as I was, and that everyone in Korea felt sorry for me, and looked down on me. Well, I'm in a much better relationship now. I don't really care at all what Koreans think of me. Everyone has their issues, right? I still have a lot of weight to lose, but I don't have a husband who reminds me about it every day and makes me feel like a dirty pig because of who I am. (Which is another reason I appreciate Derek.)

Now, 2010, here we are. Derek and I. Yup... I have a long ways to go. However, I guess, my point on perspective is that sometimes we think we are in a terrible place, but when we look back, or think about what could become, we may not be so much. Maybe we should appreciate what we have.

Just recently I've had a great opportunity to spend some time with a "friend." This "friend", let's call him Joey, helps me put things into perspective about my life. I know I'm overweight, and VERY overweight at that. I have a problem. What Joey helps me understand, though, is that I'm not alone, and if I don't smarten up, I will be in a much worse position than I'm in. Joey is a big guy. That's putting it nicely. When I'm in a car with someone, I am almost always the bigger person. I'm feeling bad, because I'm usually taking up so much space, and am concerned about having space on the driver's side to be able to move the steering wheel, and having a seat belt that fits. Well, when I'm in a vehicle with Joey, I feel small. Joey is a big guy. We are going to have an opportunity to travel a bit in the next month, and I had mentioned that we will have a rental car to do so. He asked to make sure it was a big car, that would be suitable. I knew he meant that we needed a big car, but until this week, and us traveling in the same vehicle, I never really understood. Now, I understand. It's like anything, right? As an overweight person, you always have to scope out your options.

Washrooms: Is there a stall that's accessible? Where exactly on the wall are the TP dispensers? Really, like who's bright idea was it to put the TP dispensers right at knee length? How much trouble would they really cause if they were up a tad bit friggin higher? I'm actually calling rank for the next four weeks, and suggesting we work out of a center that has an accessible bathroom, because the office I'm working in this week has three tiny stalls in the bathroom, and that's just not going to cut it for me.

Restaurants: Do they have tables with movable chairs? Or are they just booths? Do the booth tables move? Will I be able to sit without being in someone else's way of getting to their seat? Is there a dark corner somewhere that I can hide while I eat my meal? Okay, maybe it's not so bad that I'd hide in a dark corner, but really, the other questions are all ones that I ask from each restaurant I go to. Derek and I have a process down. If we are going to a restaurant, we ask if the booth tables move, if they do, Derek will sit down, and pull the table as close to him as possible, and then I'll sit down. If the tables do not move, we'll sit at a table with movable chairs. If they have neither of those, like some Burger Kings, and some MacDonald's restaurants, then we'll order take out and eat at home. (Derek hates bring the food home to eat.)

Cars: How far back do the seats go? Will the steering wheel go up? Will the seat belt fit? These are all very relevant questions.

I began to have a deeper understanding for Joey's request. He's a big guy, and he needs to know he's going to be comfortable in the car for all of the traveling we're going to be doing. I guess, spending time with Joey just puts things into perspective for me. We went to a restaurant to eat the other day, and I've never been concerned about wooden stairs holding two people before, so much as I was then. The stairs were just shaking. I know how much I weigh, I don't know how much Joey weighs, but I'm was really wondering if the wooden steps that were shaking so hard had a weight limit on them. :) Thankfully, no steps were harmed, and no one got hurt. Yes, I'm big, and very overweight, but I'm going to be okay. I can become healthier, I can do my best to better myself. I have a support system who loves me, and who will help me!

I'm supposed to weigh in tomorrow. I cannot. I broke my scales. It's very sad. :( I really want to get new scales before we go to Korea. I want to take one with me. :) I Hope we can find a set.

Well, I have a 5am start tomorrow..I'd better get to bed.

Don't forget to let those special people in your life know that you appreciate them, and try to keep things into perspective.

Ice Cream for Supper

2010-01-12T02:30:00.001-08:00

Yes, that's right. I had ice cream for supper last night. I have never wanted to eat my father's cooking so much as the one time I wasn't allowed to. :( It was a sad event. LOL. I had a tooth removed yesterday. It had a huge hole in it, and had been sore for all of last week. I couldn't handle it anymore on Friday, and made an appointment to have it removed yesterday, Monday. It was weird to have half of my entire face frozen. The dentist told me that I couldn't spit, suck, or blow my nose for like three days. I also can't eat anything really hot, or hard for that time period either. Yeah, I don't think I can last that long without real food. I went to sleep starving. The truth of the matter is, I had lunch yesterday. A tiny frozen dinner, and all that really did was make me more hungry. My dad made hamburgers and fries for supper. It smelled heavenly, and looked delicious. I love my dad's cooking, and my mom's as well. It's really nice to be living with them for my last six weeks here, because they are amazing cooks. Every night supper is something different, and it's always just as good as the last time, if not better. Today, I think I will have to eat real food. I'm so hungry!

Bye Bye Scales?

2010-01-10T04:18:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I broke my scales this morning... Getting dressed in the dark, I heard a crunch... and it was my scales that I'd crushed the corner of... We'll see, later. I will have to check them out to make sure they're okay. :( I cna't live without my scales! Bummer!

New Years Resolutions

2010-01-09T09:08:00.000-08:00

I suppose I should update how I'm doing. I managed to get through the holidays without going crazy and eating a whole crap load of food. New Years Eve was spent with some alcohol, but since I don't really do that too very often, I was not too concerned about it. I decided that for January, I would not eat any chocolate. Unfortunately, I have not been completely successful at that. Out of this month, there were three days when I had some chocolate. There was a bit of fudge, and a hot chocolate. I am back at it, again, though. I'm not having chocolate or pop. It's great. Derek is being so supportive. He's going to really help me with eating better, and with getting exercise each day. I weighed in this Thursday, and will continue to do so each Thursday. Derek will be hiding the scales soon, so I will no longer be able to weigh in each day. :)

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T16:50:00.000-08:00

Well, Derek's playing his video games... and I'm watching movies on the computer. It's Christmas time.... :) We did purchase our tickets to Korea today, and that's very exciting!! Lots of changes coming up very soon!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I Appreciate My Feet!

2009-12-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

It’s amazing. Tonight my feet look normal. They are not swollen up like giant marshmallow balls. I hate it when my feet swell up. They get sore, and very sensitive to the touch when they swell up. Do I know what it is exactly that makes my feet swell up? No. Do I have a strong indication of when it is that they swell up? Yes. My feet usually swell up on those lovely days when I do nothing but sit at my table, in my very uncomfortable computer chair, and play on my computer. Now, this is not when I’m at work. I have a comfortable chair at work, and I love it! No, this is when I’m at home. And, yes, there are days when I do nothing but sit on that chair, in front of the computer anxiously awaiting the newest Facebook status update, or hoping that someone’s posted something fun on Twitter, or maybe even to find an exciting new TV show to watch. It’s sad. I know. Tonight, though, my feet are not swollen! I’m super happy. I think that it’s directly related to the fact that I left home at around 8:45 this morning, and didn’t really stop until about 7:15 tonight. Of course, there were bouts of sitting periods, even from 1pm – 5pm I sat most of that time doing some QA work with a new member of our team, however, really, I used my feet. I did some walking, and I didn’t just be completely lazy all day!

This brings me to my theory. I think I take my feet for granted. I always believe that they are going to be there. I trust my feet and ankles to always be available for me when I need to get up and go somewhere. Will they always be there? Well, who knows, right? It’s possible that some day my feet will say, “I’m tired of your lazy arse and I’m not going to work for you anymore.” I’m sure it won’t come out exactly like that, but it could. Me, personally, I take a lot for granted.

Thinking about taking my poor, overworked feet and ankles for granted makes me wonder what else I take for granted. Here’s my list that I’ve got so far:
My parents. – In a way we all do this. If we are close to our parents, we all believe that they’re always going to be there for us! One of my relatives posted on her facebook tonight “I don’t know why I have parents!” Wow. What a terrible thing to say. She was angry because they didn’t like the wind and wouldn’t drive her somewhere to do some shopping. Umm... OK. Nothing like a big ole’ guilt trip to make your parents want to help ya out! Hopefully I’ve never said anything like this to my parents! I love my mother and father, and I’m sure they know that. I respect them, and they respect me. I’m sure they’re not overly thrilled with my decision to return to Korea, but they support me, and that’s what really counts.
My husband. – Derek hasn’t been my husband for too long, but he’s been in my life for over three years now! He’s amazing to me. I have a co-worker who has yet to find that perfect someone in her life. She’s a sweetheart and is trying to find the right guy so badly, and I really hope for her that she does. It’s sweet, really, how involved she gets with the guys she’s dating, while at the same time trying not to be too pushy, and playing the “game” and all of that! I don’t envy her one bit. I’ve often thought about me and my own situation in relation to hers. I guess I was lucky when I met Derek. I was at a point in my life where it didn’t matter. I was getting ready to return to Korea, and meeting him turned my life upside down. But, we were both ready for it. He’d been single for quite sometime, and I was desperate for someone who accepted me as I was, and didn’t try to change me by humiliating me and constantly telling me how inadequate I was. Derek and I only went on like two dates before I forced him to make the big decision about where our relationship was going. We HAD to have that talk, because if I wasn’t going to Korea in a month’s time, I had to let someone know. There were times that I wondered if I was just settling. You know the worst thing you could do for yourself… LOL… But, I think about it and wonder, well, so what if I am? What’s wrong with settling for someone who loves you, no matter what? Is there a problem with being with someone who listens to you ramble on and on about stuff knowing that you’ll change your mind a hundred times before you come to a decision, or someone who gives you a hug when you need it, who makes you laugh when you really want to do nothing more than scream? I don’t think I have a problem with my choice, and I need to appreciate him more.
The Internet! – Yup! That’s right! As I type this, I do not have internet access. It’s driving me nuts! I don’t know how people live without computers and accessing the internet. It’s my lifeline, my way of communicating with my friends, some of my family, and the rest of the world! I am finally ready to purchase the first part of our tickets to Korea, and now, because I have no internet, I’m unable to do so! GRR!
My whole body in general! (Please see above regarding my feet, and apply that lack of appreciation for the rest of my body, really. It’s all so important, and we probably never realize how much we’d miss even a little finger if we didn’t have it!)
My health! I think that’s pretty self-explanatory. Just the other night I was saying to Derek, “I think I should get tested for Diabetes again. I’ve been so thirsty all the time!” Of course, at that time I didn’t make the connection between my constant thirst and the return of Diet Pepsi to my drink repertoire. Hmm... I wonder if there is a connection there. Most likely. It seems almost like I’m so eager to have diabetes, that I’m just working myself to that goal. What kind of goal is that? Obviously not a very good one!
And the following are just a list of a few things that I’m sure we all take for granted without even thinking about it:
Waking up in the morning – We all complain about having to do it, but how rotten would it be if we didn’t?
Hugs & Smiles at those times when you really need them
That one go-to person who’s always there for you when you REALLY need to talk, vent, argue, ask for support
Food. I believe that a lot of us have it much better off than we realize. We do not even know what it’s like for some who have NOTHING, and would not even know what to do in that situation.
A Job! In today’s economy, I’m told a job is hard to find. Is it that it’s hard to find a job, or it’s hard to find a job that you like? I’m not sure. Thankfully, I’ve not really ever had any trouble finding a job, but I cannot even begin to imagine what I would go through if I couldn’t find one. It would probably be devastating.
Freedom
Literacy – Imagine what life would be like if you could not read or write.

Alright, I’ll get off my soap box now. Just remember, if you appreciate someone and you haven’t told them lately, take the time to let them know how much their friendship and love means to you. It’s the time of year to do that, but also make more of an effort to do it all year round! Also, take care of your body. It can be one part of your life where you have some control over. I know that there are times when things are out of our hands, but when it comes to trying to eat healthier and taking better care of yourself, you can do it! I know I’m going to start doing it. Don’t take anything for granted. It can be here today and gone tomorrow in an instant!

Food Choices For the Not So Financially Stable

2009-12-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

So, what do you do when you haven't got a lot of money, and you don't can't really afford to buy all the healthy food? Oh, yeah... that's right, you buy the cheap stuff that is usually a lot less healthy. Or, if you have no money, you go through your cupboards and have what's there. It's not always good. Tonight, for supper, we had Hamburger Helper. Of course, it could have been better. If I'd done it right. Me, being the not so great cook that I am, though, did not bother to drain the grease from the hamburger. Yup... that's right. I didn't do it. I never do. It's never usually a problem. Well, tonight, it was a problem. The amount of grease in my supper was disgusting. :( YUCK! I will not buy Hamburger Helper again. Derek's not really a fan of it anyways. OH... and Yeah, I suppose I'll start draining the grease off of my ground beef. That would be smart.

I've been watching the season finale of The Biggest Loser! Some of these people look fantastic! I'm really excited for Shay, and for what Subway's offering her for next May! WOW! Talk about motivation to do a fantastic job! I really cannot believe how terrible Tracy looked. I guess I should have expected it. She's really competitive, and probably wanted to win no matter what. I'm actually really glad that Rebecca won instead of her. Rebecca was super thin, but she did at least look healthier. The top three look really amazing. I must say, I don't really get it, with Amanda. I mean, yeah, she had some weight to lose, but nothing nearly as much as some other people in America. I don't understand why she's in the top 3? I guess maybe people relate to her, because those of us who have a whole lot of weight to lose don't feel like the smaller ones have the same problems as us? I don't know. I can't get over the difference in Danny! WOW!!! He looks years younger, and looks like a completely different person! It's really motivating. I'm super glad he won!!! Whoo hoo! Will I someday experience that? I sure hope so... Maybe once I learn how to drain the grease off my hamburger? LOL

By the way... I have a new blog... if you're interested in checking it out... :

http://jennderektakeonkorea.blogspot.com/

It's going to be a place where Derek and I share information about our time in Korea!

A Letter To Me

2009-12-06T18:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Jennifer,

Please stop. Just stop eating. When you are not hungry, there's no need to continue eating. Just because a restaurant has a special of buy one appetizer - get one half price, does not mean you need to buy two, then buy a full meal for both you and Derek, and then buy dessert. Like, seriously? How about, when you know you're full basically after the appetizers... and then you some how manage to eat your burger and fries... how about NOT ordering dessert? Would that be possible? Or... maybe, when you come home, and you're so full you can't move, how about NOT mindlessly eating chocolate chips? Can you do that?

You sit and have conversations with yourself about how you feel gross, about how irritated you are that you can't find clothes to fit you, or that you can't walk for anything more than 5 minutes at a time without feeling tired and worn out, and then how do you help yourself with that? OH, you don't, that's right?

Today, when you got it in your head that you HAD to make peanut butter balls and macaroons, and Derek told you that you didn't really have to, because you'd eat them all and then you'd complain that you ate them all, and you told him that you'd save some for when you went up home the weekend before Christmas, do you really think you were fooling anyone? Really?

Eventually, something's gotta give, Jennifer! You are tired all the time, you are feeling run down, and it's because you are not eating right. You are over-eating all the bad stuff, and are not eating any of the good stuff. Smarten up! Stop wasting all of your time sitting on your arse in front of the computer, get up, and go do something! Let's do something... Just this one week, Jennifer, please keep track of all of the time that is wasted in front of the computer. Before you go to bed, find a notebook to write it all down it, and track your time. You'll probably find LOTS of extra minutes, hours even that could be spent moving, preparing healthy meals, exercising. Let's just see how much time is wasted.

Every day this upcoming week, you're going to come in here and track what you've done, what healthy choices you've made this week, and you are not going to use any excuses for not writing. If you've had a crappy day, so be it. Come and write about it. Share your struggles, and maybe someone will be able to help you. YOU, Jennifer, have created this blog for a reason, and it's about friggin time you started taking control of your life. There is only ONE person in this entire world who can make you feel better, and that is you!

Now, get up off your butt, go get some water that your body is so desperately craving, fold the laundry, get your notebook ready for tomorrow morning, and then go to bed, get some good sleep so that you are ready to kick it up in full gear tomorrow! No more excuses! Just do it!

Love,

Jennifer

And it wasn't even Thanksgiving here...

2009-11-27T03:21:00.000-08:00

That didn't stop me from eating WAY too much last night, though. I went to bed feeling ill from overeating. And, now the scales are up 3lbs. I'm not completely worried about those 3lbs. I know weight can fluctuate, but.. damn.... I'm irritated that I can't even seem to control myself.

I need a plan... and I need one NOW!

373

2009-11-26T03:37:00.000-08:00

Pretty stressful day at work yesterday led to some stress eating. I bought pop to go with my bulgogi lunch, just because I was very, very irritated with some calls I was monitoring. I was pretty much ready to be done my job right away at that point.

I did receive information on a job that was offering a lot more than the job I've agreed to take. The only thing is, they wanted someone to start Dec 28th. I considered it, very strongly considered it. However, I don't think they want a married teacher. Lots of academies do not want married teachers. They think they have to give them bigger apartments, and that they may not stay if their spouse gets bored or doesn't like it. That's silly. I've spent 6 years in Korea. I'm not about to go there and then just bail because Derek doesn't like it. Derek will like it. How could he not? LOL.

The Biggest Loser Quotes

2009-11-24T17:07:00.000-08:00

So, I'm watching the Biggest Loser... and am going to post some quotes here that I wish would sink in to me..

1. "....control of my body."

2. "Obesity is a very expensive disease."

3. "I give 100% all the time to be who I am!"

4. "Unless you feel WORTH the end result, you won't be able to put that into action."

Hmm.. I like #4 the most... What does it take to feel worth it?

374.2

2009-11-24T03:56:00.000-08:00

Yup... that's down from yesterday, still not great. I need to drink more water.

So, I talked to my old boss this morning. I tried calling him last night before I went to bed, however, he was not at the hagwon yet, and the receptionist there could hardly speak any English at all. So, I called when I got up. All I need from him is a letter stating that I'd worked there before. He'd rather talk to the school. I'm not sure that that's good, but whatever, I guess.

Here's what I have completed:

1. Degree Reprint is complete.

2. Transcripts are ready to be picked up today.

3. Criminal Background Check is done.

4. Passport should be here soon.

5. Name change is complete on everything.

6. New international friendly bank account is opened.

Now I need the following to complete the process:

1. Get CBC notarized from Korean Consulate.

2. Receive new 2010 contract from my recruiter.

3. Get new passport sized photos taken for the application.

4. Send all of the necessary information to Korea for Visa Issuance Number.

Here's hoping everything goes smoothly from here on out. I'm not sure I trust my old employer to be honest about my work experience there. I was a good employee and I do not believe we left on bad terms. I hope he doesn't screw me over.

375.8

2009-11-23T04:02:00.000-08:00

Yup.... that's what I WI for this morning. I'm so angry, it isn't even funny!

I asked Derek to take all the sweets to work with him tonight to share. He wasn't very keen on it for some reason. I hope he does it, though. It would be really, really awesome!

My plan for today is to drink lots and lots and lots of water. I have to babysit for Melanie for an hour this evening, and then come home in time for Derek to get to work.

Hopefully tonight I will get some exercise by actually cleaning and going through things.

I've also started posting my weight back on the chalk board. I had removed it, because I thought the land lord was going to be showing our apartment to potential new tenants. However, she hasn't as of yet, and so I've started posting it again. For some reason, that kept me more accountable. I'm also going to come in here each day and share with you my weight and what I did the day before.

So, yesterday, I ate a lot of nanaimo bars, chocolate chip cookies, Werthers Candies, and had McDonalds for supper. Oh, and there was the midnight extra large hot chocolate that Derek brought home with him. Was it an intelligent eating day? No. Was it an intelligent day at all, really? No. My feet were swollen from all the sitting / poor eating I'd done all day. The only thing I did right was drink some water, but not nearly enough.

Okay... See you all tomorrow morning!

Wake Up Call?

2009-11-22T20:35:00.000-08:00

So this week I found out about a co-worker who had been in the hospital for quite sometime without me knowing. I guess I had just figured that either she or one of her children were out with the flu, or maybe that she was traveling. I guess not. She had been in the hospital with very high blood sugar issues. :( It's quite possible this was due to some medication she was placed on. could something like this be seen as a HUGE wake up call for all of us? Well, yeah, I sure think so. Diabetes is often a big problem for those who struggle with obesity. So far, I've been lucky not to have that problem. As I was discussing my co-worker who's been out, I've said to a few people, "I always think that I've got it, and I never have it, which often leads me to wonder, am I waiting until I finally get it before I do something about my health?" Why would I do that? Why would I need to wait for a huge wake up call before I begin to take care of myself, and my health? WHY?? It really makes no sense. I need to smarten up. I want to lose weight, but what am I doing about it? That's what happens with me. I start to want something, and I sit around, thinking.."How am I going to do it?" Basically, I just hope that things will just occur the way I want them to! Of course, that never happens. It's the same as it was going to Korea. For the longest time, I wanted to go, and somehow though and hoped that it would just happen. Of course, that didn't occur. Then, finally, I made the decision, because I knew Derek was actually looking forward to it, and I started to get everything done. Now, a lot of the paperwork is just waiting to be completed, and it's just about cleaning out our apartment, getting rid of what we're not taking, and then getting what we need, including plane tickets. EEK!!

So, back to my health... What's it going to take for me? I don't know. I wish I did know. I feel like I'm all alone, and like there's no one who could even come close to understanding what I deal with. I've been so tired lately. I have no energy, and no interest in doing much of anything at all. Last week I had three colleagues here from other offices working with me, and it was very sad that at the end of each day I would not even go hang out with them, or take them out to show them the city or do anything with them. I'd come home, and just veg out, because I was so tired. One night they went to the mall, and I should have gone with them, but I couldn't imagine doing it! I knew that I'd get grumpy, and tired. I hate the mall. I hate walking around it. Sometimes I am in the mood for it, and it's fine. Often times when that happens, Derek knows that he can just go into his favorite stores, and I'll just sit out on a bench and wait for him. How does one with no energy at all find what it takes to exercise? I don't know!

I did have a Christmas cookie exchange yesterday! It was great, however, now I have a bunch of very yummy treats in my fridge that I'm so determined to eat no matter how ill they make me feel. It's so dumb. :( Derek's going to work tomorrow night... Maybe I'll send them with him, well, what's left of them anyways!

What am I waiting for? For that day when I'm going to pass out from having high blood pressure, or high sugars? Am I waiting for the time when I'm unable to move? Again, I really don't know.

If you have any advice, I'd really appreciate it!

Some Very Random Thoughts

2009-11-16T18:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, bear with me. This post might not make any sense at all... :)

Yummy Taco Salad that I had for lunch last Friday. It's delicious, but, I added the chicken below on it, thinking that would make it good, too. Have you ever had that type of meat? I'm not a fan of it. I'm not really a fan of processed meats anyways, but thought, "Wow, it's only 100 calories!"... It still wasn't very good. I actually prefer my sandwich meat wrapped in very thick bread, so I didn't really like it too much!

I found my street when I was in PEI! LOL

Delicious Graham Cracker Chocolate treats I made. They were actually really easy, and really good! Basically, cover graham crackers in milk chocolate, do some marbelizing with the white chocolate, and let it harden. They were halloween treats that I made for my co-workers. They were delicious!

Okay, so I have a job for Korea. (Knock on wood, assuming everything turns out as it should!) I will begin working on February 15th. Which, means, there are two weeks from the time we are out of our apartment until we have to leave. Umm... that could be a problem, I suppose. Haha! Maybe we can do that trip across the country after all? I don't know. I'll have to discuss that with Derek. Maybe we can go hang out in Korea and stay at a very cheap place until my contract begins at my elementary school? Do you have any suggestions? Of course... working would be good, until the time that we have to leave, but... where would we stay? Maybe we could crash at a friend's house?

Tonight I went to the mall with Derek. I was remaining positive, and happy. He went into a video game store and was in there for a VERY long time, but I waited patiently. While I was waiting, I'm pretty sure I was being an evil person. I can't help it, though. Okay, maybe I can? I don't know. The thing is... if you're a bigger person, you know it, right? I know that I'm a big girl, I know that I need to make an extra effort to protect others from seeing things that aren't necessary for them to see. So, when I see bigger girls wearing things that show off certain aspects of their bodies that should never be revealed, I am quite shocked. First of all, would one not know that they are flashing half their butt off to the whole mall, by feeling a draft at least? Secondly, she was with friends, and really, shouldn't her friends, if they're real friends, tell her that maybe she should pull her pants up, or pull her shirt down? I would hope that my friends would do that for me. Not that it would matter, I'd never put myself in that situation where I'd be hanging out of my clothes. I felt bad for the girl, but at the same time a little amused. Does that make me a bad person? I saw the looks she was getting from people, and I really don't think she would have even gotten a second glance from most if the sharing wasn't going on. :(

Anyways.. moving on... I went to work today feeling light and energized. Now, I'm home, feeling heavy, bloated, and exhausted. I don't really know why. It's not really as though I've done much today. Well, I worked, and was running some errands afterwards, and then walked around the mall, but, still. I think my mistake happened when I convinced Derek to agree to buy a large tin of Quality Street chocolates. Umm.. what a dumb idea that was! Frig... and of course, I have eaten a whole lot of them... Dumb, dumb, dumb! Sometimes, I have to wonder where my common sense goes!

Alrighty... I'm going to stop blabbing now. Thanks for your patience everyone!

Update on check list...

2009-11-13T20:51:00.001-08:00

1. Get my degree reprinted. - In progress
2. Get official copies of my transcripts. - This will come with the degree reprints.
3. Get married!!!!!!! - DONE!!
4. Legally change my name on all necessary documents. - Almost Done!
a. Drivers License - DONE!
b. SIN - DONE!
c. Medicare - DONE!
d. Car Registration - DONE!
5. Get my passport renewed with my married name. - Papers are submitted
6. Find a good school that's hiring next year. - I think I have done so
7. Do all the fun paper work. (Get a Criminal Record Check) Papers are submitted
8. I might have to go to Montreal for an interview? Maybe? I don't think I have to do this anymore!

2009-11-11T08:10:00.000-08:00

Yup... It's the dreaded, "Send us a recent photo." issue with Korea! Damn!

It's one thing I hate about Korea. I sent out a bazillion resume's yesterday, along with the picture on the bottom. I did hear back from one, who called and asked for a different picture, because the first one was blurry he thought. I also heard from another person who told me that suddenly a position for February had already been filled, somehow, in the 12 hours since she'd e-mailed me about it. I know it's all about the pictures! How ridiculous is that? I called her on it. I wrote back mentioning how interesting it was that a position for February had already been filled, and that as a recruiter she didn't have any more positions available. She quickly wrote back to me to determine what I was looking for.

Here's the thing. I know how it works in Korea. I know that schools would rather have teachers who are young, blond and beautiful! They often don't take into consideration the experience that someone has if they don't like the picture that they have. It's so frustrating! First of all, I have six years teaching experience. Secondly, I have been there, I can speak the language, I know what it's going to take to be able to please the school. Thirdly, I'm not someone who's going to come in with a bunch of silly demands. I understand the culture differences. I'm not going to come in and complain that oh.. I can't choose my own vacation, or I am not going to work that extra 20 minutes unless you pay me crazy amounts of money to do it. I'm also not going to be one to come into work still drunk from a bender the night before. I'm not going to be complaining that I can't get high because of the health check. Those things don't interest me. What interests me is going to Korea, sharing that experience with Derek, working with the schools to teach and educate the students in whatever way they ask me to do. I'm not a complainer at work. If you tell me to do a million things in one day, I'll work my butt off until I get it done. I understand that I get paid to do a job. Sometimes that job changes, grows, becomes something different. I'm comfortable with that. It does not make me run away.

Anyways, maybe things will get better. Maybe once I have all my paperwork in order, I will have more success. Mind you, I did only just get one rejection e-mail so far. Maybe the others will just not bother e-mailing back at all. I have, though, stopped sending the bottom picture, and am now sending the top picture. It might not be the most recent one, but it's a nicer one, I guess.

We Put Up the Christmas Tree

2009-11-08T16:20:00.000-08:00

That's right, Derek and I put our Christmas tree up this weekend! It looks fantastic! LOL. I know... we may be early, and a little bit crazy, but no one can really blame Derek... it's not his fault. If given the choice, he probably wouldn't put one up at all! Thankfully, I do have some say, so we have it up. Even though it's early, we made a deal, as soon as Halloween was over, I could do whatever for Christmas. Well, he did get one week's grace period, so that's good!

We aren't going to do much for Christmas this year. I'm sure that's understandable. We need to save as much as possible for our trip. It's really exciting!!! Once again this weekend I find myself immersed in Korea drama's. I think I must be losing it. It's a great way to learn more of the language, though. So, that's a good thing! Derek and I also watched a few podcasts from a couple who are in Korea and do these for probably family and friends back home. They're really awesome! The site is www.eatyourkimchi.com. I think it was really cool for Derek to see. One of their pod casts was about what to pack. Even though I've been there and know what we should and shouldn't take, it is still good for him to see that confirmed by others. I see now that their website has even more information. I will have to read it over.

We were talking to Derek's mom tonight. She seems to think it's crazy that we're considering driving out there as well. Hmm... that gives me something to think about. The whole point of us driving out there was so that she'd have our car. Maybe we should think of something else to do with the car. I was actually really looking forward to the idea of driving out to BC. We weren't going to do it through Canada. It will be winter, and all of Canada would probably be covered in snow. Our plan was to go down to Hershey, PA.. (Yes, I want to go there!!!!) and then down to maybe Atlanta, then cross the states through there, like Dallas, Phoenix, Las Vegas, and up the west coast to BC. It may take a few days longer to do it that way, but.. hey, my thoughts are that we didn't have a honeymoon, so what better time to do so? We also planned to try to make longs of snacks, and sandwiches and things to eat on the way.

What are your favorite road trip snacks? Have you had any really long road trips?

Update on check list...

2009-11-08T05:19:00.000-08:00

1. Get my degree reprinted. - I will be taking the paperwork for this to be done this week. It will take 2 - 3 weeks to get after I've dropped off the papers.
2. Get official copies of my transcripts. - This will come with the degree reprints.
3. Get married!!!!!!! - DONE!!
4. Legally change my name on all necessary documents. - Almost Done!
a. Drivers License - DONE!
b. SIN - The office to get this done is right across the street from where I work. Shouldn't be too hard.
c. Medicare - DONE!
d. Car Registration - DONE!
5. Get my passport renewed with my married name. - Photos are done, and paperwork is filled out. I just need the money for it now.
6. Find a good school that's hiring next year. - Applications are being sent out... Just waiting to hear back from them all!
7. Do all the fun paper work. (Get a Criminal Record Check)
8. I might have to go to Montreal for an interview? Maybe?

Mr. Cadbury... You're going to Kill Me!

2009-11-06T03:35:00.000-08:00

So, yes, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! That excites me, makes me a little giddy. When I go into stores, I could just wander around for forever looking at all of the beautiful things to buy. Last night I went to Staples on the hunt for a really cool binder a co-worker here in PEI has. It's called a Zwipes, and I HAD to have one. Well, I couldn't find a Zwipes... but what I did find excited me even more!

My most favorite treat that can be found on the shelves for Christmas and Easter.

Photos courtesy of the Candy Critic.

I am addicted to these little buggers! Have you ever had them? Cadbury is probably my favorite brand of chocolate as it is. But, then, you turn them into snowmen and it's heavenly. LOL. Well, I bought two packages of each last night. I had a conversation with myself in the car, "Okay, don't take them into your hotel room. You'll eat them all tonight, and that's not good!" Then, I get to the hotel, and I say to myself, "Oh... I want to take the bag in, because I want to check out the pencils." Well... the pencils are just boring, typical pencils. There's nothing to check out. Who am I fooling? Again I tell myself, "Okay, just don't eat them, save them for tomorrow!" Umm.. yeah... they are gone. Probably within the first half hour of bringing them into my room, they're gone.

How is one supposed to make it through the holidays with all of this temptation? I've finally gotten off the pop again! Whoo hoo for me! Last night, at a restaurant for supper, I ordered water to drink, and still, when the waitress came and took my food order she asked me to see if I was sure I didn't want anything else to drink.. Umm.. yeah, I'm sure, but thanks for tempting me even further! :( So, I'm not drinking pop... once again. Now, if only I could give up chocolate! Wouldn't that be something? It's a horrible time of year to have to do that, though. There are so many tasty treats, and yummy things to try. I used to say I'd give up chocolate, and then someone would bring around treats and I would seriously completely forget about having given up chocolate. That's why I'm very wary of making that commitment. I know, it's dumb, and it's not going to help me much on my journey. What I am going to do, though... is say that this year, I'm not going to buy any more Cadbury chocolates. I was going to just say the choco-men, but... I'm going to commit to letting Cadbury go for good. *Sigh*... I can do it. I know I can!! Good Bye Mr. Cadbury... It's been real, but I need to stay alive, and hopefully better myself by getting healthy, and you're not helping me. This relationship must end.

Office Politics..

2009-11-05T04:09:00.000-08:00

I hate them! They annoy me, and I don't know how they help any of us do a better job. Oh well... I guess it's fine. I most likely won't be attending the Christmas party this year for our office, but.. hey, that's okay. All those people who make a crap load more money than me will be attending it, and I guess that's what's important!

This week I've come to PEI. It's really nice here, what I've seen so far. If you haven't seen the Confederation Bridge, it's pretty long. And somewhat scary to cross when it's windy. It is great, though. Definitely something that's worth experiencing. :)

When I weighed in yesterday I was at 368.6 again. Back down to my lowest. Here's hoping I can keep working on that between now and next Tuesday for weigh in day. I almost think I've found my motivation again, now that I'm almost over this cold, and things are starting to settle down for work. *knock on wood* I just have a few cough fits each day, and that's dealable.

Anyways... I came to write a long rant, and then realized that maybe I shouldn't, so I'm not going to. I hope you all have a fantastic day!

Steady Diet of Cough Drops

2009-11-03T04:41:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's what I've been on. Sucking on cough drops for the last two days. My stomach is screaming for relief, but my cough is still not completely gone. I did, however, have a pretty restful sleep last night and woke up feeling better and more energized. I'm sure the aches I have from my cough will go away soon.

I received an e-mail from my landlord today. She has people on a waiting list to get into this building! OH MY! So, she may be showing them the apartment this week. Then, if they don't take it, she'll be showing our apartment to people beginning mid-December! That's a lot of pressure to keep our apartment spotless. We're not the neatest people in the world. Since we are kind of getting out of our lease in a backwards kind of way, I wouldn't want to leave our apartment a mess while she shows it, because the might hinder her from getting someone to take it. And, that would really be too bad, because it is a really nice place. It's just a bit too expensive for Derek and I.

I'm going to work today. Back at it. It should be fun. I have so much to do before I go to PEI tomorrow to work for the rest of the week. Then, I'll have to come home and help Derek clean up. I told him that we have to clean up today, I just wonder how much he'll actually do today. We'll see, I guess!! Here are some pictures of our apartment when it's clean. It's very rare that it looks like this.

Holidays Are Coming

2009-11-02T16:52:00.000-08:00

Progress....

2009-11-02T07:51:00.000-08:00

A while back I made a list of things I need to get done before we go to Korea.

1. Get my degree reprinted. - This is proving to be quite difficult. It seems as though the lovely people at my university don't really care to answer their phone, return phone calls or respond to e-mail in regards to this. If I don't hear from them today, I will go there tomorrow and get it sorted out!
2. Get official copies of my transcripts. - This will come with the degree reprints.
3. Get married!!!!!!! - DONE!!
4. Legally change my name on all necessary documents.
a. Drivers License
b. SIN ??
c. Medicare
d. ??
5. Get my passport renewed with my married name. - My sister wants me to wait until after Black Friday so I can go shopping with her.
6. Find a good school that's hiring next year.
7. Do all the fun paper work. (Get a Criminal Record Check)
8. I might have to go to Montreal for an interview? Maybe?

Of course, as usual, I have been going back and forth in my mind about Korea. Derek, on the other hand, is super excited about Korea! He cannot wait to finish his job, and to take this adventure. Keeping that in mind, I have to stay focused and keep on track to be sure to get everything done! I know it's going to be great for us. It will be interesting, and perhaps somewhat of a challenge, but so worth it.

Hopefully, soon, things will start to fall into place!! We did give our landlord our 3 months notice. It was really scary to do that. What that means is that on February 1st, regardless of what we are doing, we will no longer be in this apartment. I really hope that by then, we will be ready to pack up and head over to Korea... Big step!! Whoo hoo!!

And the pictures...

2009-10-27T20:31:00.001-07:00

Yes, we got snow...And lots of it. Thankfully, it's mostly all gone now, thanks to the rain!

Before things got going..

I was a bit teary then..

My parents! LOVE YOU GUYS!

My niece Sarah.

Derek's aunt and uncle.

I, Jennifer, take thee, Derek

2009-10-27T20:11:00.000-07:00

And, we got married! This past Sunday was a fantastic day. I couldn't have asked for any more. My parents were there, my sister and her family were there, Derek's aunt and uncle were there. Of course, it would have been nice for his mom to have been with us, but there's not much we can do about that.

I think I've known since my second night in Las Vegas that I was ready. I don't ever get homesick (other than my very first Christmas away from my family). While I was in Vegas, though, I got very homesick for Derek. Another thing I'm not good at is long distance relationships. I'm more of the "out of site, out of mind" thinking. It was different with Derek, though. Everywhere I went I thought of him. So, I knew I was ready. It was probably exactly what I needed.

Well, I woke up last Monday and was getting ready for a week away from him again. I knew I'd be on the road all week, and I knew that it would suck. Thankfully, I'd still be in NB so it wasn't too traumatic. Also, we had planned on going up home over the weekend for a very late Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's home. As I was waking up, it hit me that it would be the perfect time for us to get married. Just a small ceremony with those closest to us, and then we'd be married. So, I discussed it with Derek. (It doesn't really matter at all that he was asleep while I talked to him about it! :) ) And then, when I got to where I was going, I called the minister who is a friend of my father's and asked her if she was free to perform the ceremony on the weekend, and she was free on Sunday. So, I arranged for her to come to my sister's home. Then, I called my sister while she was at work, and told her that we were going to get married at her house on Sunday. She couldn't talk long, because she was at work, so that's basically all that I told her. That, and not to tell anyone. :) LOL... I'm pretty sure that that just about killed her, not being able to tell anyone! And really, other than a very few others, we didn't really tell many. I did get giddy one day while I was on the road and told a few co-workers I was meeting with, and that was fun. They were really sweet about it. Derek called his aunt on Wednesday night, and it took him about 10 minutes of her asking what's new before he finally told her. He also suggested that she call his mother and tell her for him. Oh my... Hehe..

On Thursday night we drove from Moncton to Fredericton, and had the worst weather ever! It was terrible. Thank goodness we were only going as far as Fredericton. It was snowing so hard that I felt like the car was not moving, it was like we were in a movie car, and only the outside was moving, but not us. We had a good sleep Thursday night, and hit the road early Friday morning to get our marriage license. On Friday night we went over to Maine and we both got a hair cut, we got rings, and then I found the perfect top for the wedding. I LOVE it! LOL...

We had a pretty relaxing day on Saturday. Then, on Sunday, we had a very laid back day as well. My mom made an awesome cake! (She used mayonnaise in it! YUMM) She also made lasagna for the after wedding meal. OMG! My parents make the best lasagna! (Thankfully I have some sauce left over to make some for the pot luck at work on Thursday!) My parents really are the best! I am so thankful for them! Then, Derek's aunt made a great rice dish, and brought a cake. My sister made a turkey dinner with all the dressings. My aunt made barnyard biscuits, and they looked delicious as well. So, we definitely had lots to eat. The company was great. The ceremony went on without a hitch, other than the minister calling Derek Trevor through most of it, and she gave Derek a pretty hard time for saying I Do instead of I Will... Oh well! We're married now! It's great!

There are a few people at work who are not so pleased with me, because I didn't tell them. It's really not like I was trying to be sneaky. I just knew it was going to be a small gathering, and a very laid back thing. I think that at times I get overwhelmed with the idea of planning things, and with things becoming much bigger than I ever intend, and that's maybe part of what happened the last time I tried to plan a wedding. That's why I didn't tell a lot of people and I just kind of went with the flow, and tried to make it as stress free as possible. And, it was great. My sister's house was great. She's very proud of her newly decorated living room, and I couldn't imagine a better place to have had the ceremony.

Now, Derek says he sees me differently. I think what it is is that he was never sure that I was staying. He sees the way I change my mind all the time, the way I want to go here, go there, and stay here and it's constantly changing. He didn't fully trust that I was in it for the long haul with him. Now that we're married, he knows that he's got me for good, and he's really appreciative of that. It's really nice. It does feel like we have a better respect for each other. I love him so much, and I'm so lucky to have such a loving husband!

I'll post some pictures separately, since I hate the way they come at the top, and then I have to move them down.. it's a pain.... :)

Somewhere Over the Rainbow....

2009-10-19T19:44:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a crazy week... But, really, isn't it always? It's getting to the point where that really isn't an excuse anymore. I need to smarten up. This week, I'm on the road all week. I'm spending 4 nights in a hotel, and then the next two nights at my parent's house. Since my mom's been working non-stop on the harvester, my family has not had Thanksgiving dinner yet. So, Derek and I are going up home this weekend for Thanksgiving dinner with my family. BUT.. I've planned a surprise for my family... well, those that need to know do, but everyone else will find out after the deed is done. :) I'm super excited! I'll share my news on Monday when I get back from my weekend away. I hope to be able to get some exercise done this week... but, I didn't really bring any extra clothes for exercise.. so, if I am going to do that, it will have to be in the evenings after I get back to the hotel from work. I'll keep you posted on how it goes!

On my drive here tonight from our center to the hotel I saw a beautiful rainbow. It was raining and sunny and just strange for weather. Usually, when I see something like that, I keep thinking, well, I'll just drive further and find a better place to take a picture. Tonight, though, I smartened up a bit and just stopped when I saw the rainbow and took the pictures! I hope that it's a sign for the plans that I made today... that things are going to work out really well!

Please enjoy the pictures! I'm going to get some sleep!

Good night!

I've Lost 11 Pounds!

2009-10-13T04:11:00.001-07:00

Well, it's happened! I've finally made it past the 10 pound mark! Hopefully, I will be able to get focused again, and will be more successful at what I am trying to accomplish. I had just been so worked up, and wasn't working hard at it. I thought I might have lost more weight in Las Vegas, because of all of the walking I was doing, and the fact that I really wasn't eating too poorly most of the week. The last few days weren't really good, though. There was lots of chocolate eaten, and I need to get back out of the pop drinking. I say I'm not going to drink it, so I don't get diet pop, but then I drink Derek's pop and that's even worse. So... back to the water it is, and staying away from chocolate, even though, I don't want to! Haha!! Hopefully, I'll also keep walking. Yesterday Derek and I went to Centennial Park. We had been there at the beginning of the summer not this year, but last year. We walked on this path that goes through the woods, and the tantrum I threw because I was tired, and couldn't walk far, and was so annoyed... it was bad. I probably put a 5 year old to shame with the fit I had. Well, this time, it wasn't bad at all. When we got towards the end, I was like.. "Oh.. wow, that wasn't too bad at all!" LOL. My goal, really, is to start walking to work each morning. Today, I am not, though, because I'm going to babysit for a friend after work today. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to!! Then, at the end of the day, Derek can come pick me up. :)

Have a super day!!

And.... seriously.... I can't wait for this:

Just some fun pictures....

2009-10-08T22:07:00.000-07:00

Airplane in Montreal!

I saw Elvis!!

And NO.. I didn't have anything from this delicious shop!

Bellagio Water Show!

New York New York

I love these little bottles... so cute!

I'm so sorry for not posting for so long.. here are some pictures from Vegas!

2009-10-08T21:28:00.000-07:00

Alright, I've been struggling! After the last weigh in that was posted here, I pretty much just went crazy. I almost gave up entirely. I couldn't really figure out why. UNTIL.... The Friday before I had to get on the plane for Vegas! I then realized that I was super stressed about getting to the airport and getting on the plane! I realized that I was freaked out, because I didn't want to get to the airport and have them say that I needed to buy another seat or something, because of my size. I just remember hearing crazy stories about people and not being able to fly. So, I was stress eating. That Friday I called Air Canada to find out their policies on obesity, and had my fears pretty much calmed down. My seats were chosen, and it wasn't really company policy to decide for someone if they were too obese to fly with them or not. So, this is the first plane I was on.

There was no one sitting beside me on that plane, or the second one. The CSR I spoke with on Friday advised me that the flight from Toronto to Vegas was full, so I asked if I could pre-board early to get the seat belt extender and get ready. Everything turned out well! I almost felt like I needed a button… LOL…

Here’s hoping the trip home goes just as well!

Now, about Las Vegas… I am staying at the Tropicana.

It’s a pretty old hotel, my room reeks of smoke, and it takes forever to get to my room! Other than that, it’s fine. Haha.. I won a free ticket to a magic show tonight, so I’ll maybe go see that tomorrow night! It will be cool! There are tigers as part of the show.

My conference is at Mandalay Bay.

It’s a really nice hotel… it’s just HUGE! It’s also far away in actual distance from the hotel I’m staying at. It doesn’t look far. And, usually there’s a tram running back and forth from across the street from my hotel to the Mandalay Bay, (which still leaves a good 15 minutes walking to the conference center..) The only problem with this is that the tram never starts before 9am. I didn’t know that the first morning, so it took me forever to walk to the conference, because I went the most out of the way way to get there. It was kind of dumb on my part. Then, on Tuesday I was a bit smarter. On Wednesday I decided to take a taxi. That didn’t help me much, since the entrance to the conference center was blocked off for a Barrett-Jackson auto auction. Today, I walked both there and back. I’d always wanted to come back through when the shops were open, so I did that tonight. It was pretty nice. And since I wasn’t in a hurry, I didn’t have to walk too fast. Tomorrow, I think I’ve decided to skip the key note presentation, because it’s all about social media, and social media isn’t really something that’s going to work at my company. So, then I'll be able to take the tram there and back!

So, here are some of the things I had to eat on my way here… and when I first got here:

Yummy chocolate cake and hot chocolate in Montreal!

Pizza and Lemonade at the Toronto Airport.

Club sandwich and potato salad with way too much sauce!

Yeah, a heavenly wall of M&M's... I got some Almond M&M's, PB M&M's, and Coconut M&M's. Those were yummy!!

Diet Coke Float!!

Kalbi, Rice, and Red Pepper Paste sauce.. YUMMMY!! And, that’s all the pictures I took of food.

The good news is, I haven’t been eating like a crazy person. My breakfast and lunch has been provided by the company all week, and so it has been actually pretty good, and healthy! Suppers have been pizza, blackened chicken sandwich, nothing, and then some refreshments at a networking meeting tonight. So, I haven’t been doing too bad. I have been drinking diet pop, but that’s just because I’m not going to drink out of the tap, and if I have to pay for something, I guess I’ve wanted to have pop. At the conference, though, mostly it’s been water. Add that to the walking I’ve been doing, and I’m actually pretty excited to get back to work and see how my weigh in goes. I hope it’s good… although, I might be a bit bloated due to something completely out of my control. Hmm… now that I think about it, maybe that’s why I was eating like a mad woman last week too…. ? It’s possible, I guess!

Memories... Good & Bad

2009-09-22T17:59:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed my blog address. I started this blog to discuss my love of Christmas! I LOVE the holiday. I'm not sure why, but it has always been my favorite time of year. My first Christmas in Korea was rough on me. It was the only time in my life that I was actually homesick. I am not the type to get homesick. I mean, there are times when I miss Canada, and some aspects of Canada, however, this was the first time I actually cried. I'd like to blame that homesickness on my mother, and knowing how hard it was for her, but I'm sure there were things that were hard for me too. LOL. I did end up going to a party that one of my co-workers was having, and had a great time, though! There were 6 Christmas while I was in Korea. One of them I did come home and spend a couple of weeks with my family, though.

Those who know me well, know that I usually start listening to Christmas music sometime in August. While it drives them crazy, I'm sure they're always really loving it! Haha! (NO, I'm not crazy!) Well, this year, I just started the Christmas music fun this past Sunday. For some reason it really made me think about some past Christmases, and thinking about my favorite one. I have two favorite Christmas memories.

1. As a little child, we sometimes spent Christmas at my dad's parents home. One Christmas morning my sister and I ran down stairs to find two Cabbage Patch Dolls. I always remember that Christmas! It was so special to me.

2. I'm pretty sure it was my last Christmas in Korea. Some co-worker/friends and I decided to book a room at the Hyatt in Seoul, and spend Christmas there. So, we worked Christmas eve, got our Christmas cake gift from our boss, yes, three cakes to take with us (I think one of them got lost along the way... possibly not so accidentaly), and then headed into Seoul by subeay. We first went to Outback Steakhouse and ordered our favorite meal for take out, and then got a taxi to the Hyatt. For some reason the friend I was traveling with and I didn't really have small, overnight luggage. We were carrying a few things in some plastic bags. We got a kick out of how fancy the hotel was when we got there. LOL. We didn't really realize it, and felt a bit uncomfortable! But, oh well! We still had a blast! The next day another friend met up with us and we had brunch on Christmas Day at the hotel restaurant. We didn't really do anything spectacular, we didn't go get wasted, but I felt like we really had a super time!!

The crazy thing is, all of those Christmases in Korea, I was in a relationship with the same person, however, he always left Korea at Christmas time and I was always alone for the holiday. Well, alone, but free at the same time. It was always when he left the country that I felt free to be myself. Which brings me to the not so great memories...

I've been reading this book by Marian Keyes "This Charming Man". It's about this man who's supposed to be so great, and this one girl is torn up about losing her boyfriend to someone else. Well, until she starts thinking about and remembering all the horrible things he put her through, at which time she is devastated by the memories. Well, I'm not torn up about the demise of my relationship that was my focus in Korea. I ended it myself. I knew that I had found someone better suited to me when I met Derek and I wasn't going to leave him to go back to a part time boyfriend. (It's really nice to have a man to spend the holidays with!) Anyways, like this girl in the book I'm reading about, there are times when I look back on my relationship and just cringe at what I put up with. I basically realize now that this man was a user. He used me for everything he possibly could. He tried to wear my self-worth down. He often did nothing but put me down, telling me that I was never doing enough to lose weight, and that people always felt sorry for me, and lots of other BS that I'm sure I've just blocked away in my mind somewhere, to just randomly come out. Whenever I went for a walk, that wasn't enough. "No," he'd say, "you need to be running!" Yeah... when all actuallity, I was much smaller before I met him. I shouldn't have gained as much weight as I did with him. Don't get me wrong, I was no skinny minny, but I wasn't the same as I am now, that's for sure. I had some great friends who I made in Korea, and sometimes I didn't feel like I was the best friend to them because of my relationship with this other person. However, I always did the best I could! I hope that those who were important to me knew how much they meant to me! There are some really great people I met there who I really care about! Moving on, I'll start looking more for the happy memories, and will try to put away the bad ones. I will forget about the terrible relationship, and will enjoy the great one I'm in now!

And, here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure!

This was my first week or two in Korea.

This was the first Christmas home with my family after going to Korea. The children are my sister's.

A special Christmas party in Korea at my first apartment. This is a co-worker, Vivi! She was a sweetheart!

My first trip to Thailand!
My second trip to Thailand!

A bunch of us at Vivi's wedding in Seoul!

And lastly... just because I LOVE this beach so much!!

Karon Beach in Phuket, Thailand!!

Good night, everyone!!

Sleepy Saturday

2009-09-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

My mother asked me what I did today when she came online from a long day of working on the potato harvester. LOL. I had a big list. I slept a lot, I worked on typing some recipes for the United Way campaign at work, I watched a couple of movies, "The Promotion" and "UP" and then started watching X-Men: Wolverine, but was getting sleepy while watching that, so when Derek got home from watching the live WWE event, I went for another nap. Then, I actually did the dishes!!! LOL. It's rare for me to do them, but every now and then I just get tired of the mess. Derek will do the dishwasher dishes, and leave the rest of the mess, so I did them all and now I can see the counter. It's nice, even if it will probably be short lived. :)
This weekend I've been doing a lot of thinking about different things. Have you seen this preview for the movie "Precious"? It's really quite amazing. I'm not sure when the movie is coming out in the theaters or on DVD or whatever, but I really want to see it. I just watched the preview again, and get all teary eyed just watching it. I'm sure the movie will be even more emotional. I just noticed that it's based on a book, so I might try to get the book and read that first. Although, doing that with "The Time Traveler's Wife" really ruined the movie for me.

I guess what I realize is that life is hard, for most people. Everyone goes through their own adversities, and figures out in their own ways how to deal with them. It's tough. Sometimes it's so easy for us to judge, and say things about people, but we have to be careful because we don't know what anyone else is going through. I've always heard it said, "Don't judge until you've walked a mile in thier shoes." I guess that's what it is all about.

I did a lot of traveling this week, and through conversations with people at work, I just realized that nothing is as cut and dry as we think it is. Well, I've just written a whole bunch of stories that I learned about this week, however, I'm not sure I can share them, even without giving out names, just because of confidentity purposes. Let's just say, I'm realizing that when I ask the question, "Why can't people just get it, and do the call flow like we train them to do?"... I maybe have a better understanding of what some people are going through, and how it's just not cut and dry for everyone. For some, it's probably a HUGE task for them to even be at work and to be on the phones taking calls those days. And then, some of the calls that they deal with are very unpleasant. I think that I have a much better appreciation of our employee's and what they are dealing with on a daily basis. I know that it's not always tough for everyone, however, there are those who are struggling and I really think they're amazing for the strength they show each day when they get out of bed, and leave their homes to come out into the world.

Every day is a blessing. Terrible things happen every second to different people. It's really true that you never know what could happen from one minute to the next. I just wish we all knew that, and could work on looking at the positive, instead of all the negative all the time. I'm going to work on this in my own life. I'm going to work on being more understanding of people. I am constantly saying, "I hate excuses! All I get are excuses!" But, really, I guess sometimes, there are things that I'm not aware of, and don't need to be, right, but they are good reasons to be struggling. I will be more patient with people, and will be more of an encourager, rather than being nasty and bossy. (Not that I'm always like that at work, but sometimes if there is someone going through something life changing, it could probably seem that way!) Anyways, I guess my point is... Don't take life for granted. It could change in an instant! Make sure that those who you love know that you love them and care about them every day!

Now, on to something a bit less depressing... sort of, I guess. LOL.

I found a picture of myself from about a month before I left Korea in 2006. I took that picture and used it as my "before" picture. I had a BIG plan when I left Korea. I was intending to come home, not work, and just work on getting healthy, eating well, and exercising. Basically, it was my intention to begin my own journey of The Biggest Loser on my own. I guess I always thought it would be easier to lose weight here because there's more "health" foods available. HA HA HA. How crazy is that? I left a country where I was doing a lot of walking on a daily basis, to come here where I sit on my butt and drive around everywhere. I don't walk anywhere! Also, as far as food goes, yeah, that was a dumb thought. Sure there are more options as far as "healthy" snacks go, like the 100 calorie packs, or the frozen meals that are Lean Cuisine or whatever. However, how affordable are all of those things here? Not really very affordable at all! What are we more likely to eat? Oh... the fast food stuff, the quick, easy, more fattening things, pop, chips, burgers, fries. All of those things that aren't really so good for us! So, while those things are here, that if you could afford them, they'd be good, but, are they the solution? I'm starting to learn, NO.
Here's my picture:

I have a problem, and it's that I always think the grass is always greener! I think, "Hey, if I go there, things will be better!" and I think it all the time. I blame my situation on the place I'm at. Now, this isn't really about whether or not I want to go to Korea. When I left there, I weighed 339lbs. It was tough to be in Korea at that weight. Koreans are ruthless, and sometimes very nasty. It would seriously be very difficult to go back at the same weight. I'm determined, though, to do better, and actually go back as a smaller me. Now, how have I changed instead of blaming the places I'm at?
I realize that it's not about WHERE I am, but instead about WHAT I choose to eat. I few things have actually started making sense to me. Here are a few things I read that helped me realize what is going to help me:
1. Tony's blog that said that an apple is not making us fat, but eating out at fast food places is.
What I have learned from this is that, yeah.. it's tough controlling portion sizes and all, but really, it's more about eating what God put on this earth intending for us to eat. If we're eating the whole foods, and not the processed stuff, then it's going to be okay for us.
2. Skinny Bitch. Okay, so vegetarianism isn't really something that is realistic for Derek and I. We both like meat. However, I did learn a lot from this book. I'm more aware of what I'm eating, I'm more apt to look at ingredients, and see what I'm putting into my body now than ever before. I don't believe that the meat industry in Canada is as bad as it is in the states, and so I'm thinking it's okay to eat meat, but if it's possible, I will look for more organic things when I have a chance.
3. The King Corn documentary. WOW. That is interesting stuff. I remember hearing Bob Harper saying something about High Fructose Corn Syrup, but I didn't really think it was that bad. I'm now more aware again of what is in the products I am buying, and what I'm putting into my body.
That being said, I'm not always perfect. If you remember my post from last night, I did go to Pizza Hut for supper with Derek. Now, what changed in relation to going to Pizza Hut? Well, a couple of things. First, I had water to drink, instead of a dozen glasses of pop. Second, we ordered a meal for two, instead of one for 3 or 4. Then, I ate some of the salad that came, and maybe a couple too many bread sticks. When the pizza came, I only had one slice! Can you believe it? And, then, when we brought the leftovers home, I didn't touch them at all last night. I had some for breakfast this morning, but I believe I did well last night. Those are the kind of changes that I'm making. We still have pizza in the fridge, and I am not going to touch it tonight either. I had a good supper, a small steak, new potatoes, and string beans. Then, later on, I had some whole wheat tortilla chips with salsa. I didn't just bring the whole bag to put next to me, I put some in a bowl, and that's all I'm allowing myself to eat. I really have an urge to eat a lot tonight. I'm not sure why, I guess it's just that I have the munchies, but I'm trying to control it. I guess, if it gets really bad, I'll have either a pear, an apple, or some grapes. Those are the best options I have.
Anyways, I'll stop rambling now. I really appreciate all of the comments on my last post! I am starting to feel better, and am looking forward to taking this journey with you all!

Good night!

Strep Throat

2009-09-18T17:58:00.001-07:00

Yup, that's what I've got! It's been one heck of a busy week, and I ended it on a high note with a Dr.'s note to stay home for the rest of the day. Not that I really think I needed one, but just in case, I suppose. :(

This week I've been working HARD! LOL... Not at the healthy thing so much, but at my real job. Well, on Monday, my mother did call and wake me up at 6am so that I could go for a walk. So, I got up, walked to where Derek works and back before he was even ready to go to work. The night before he was saying he thought he'd get there before me, regardless of what time I left, so I decided to prove him wrong, and walked there and back! It was awesome! The pain I felt for the next two days, however, was not awesome! I was very sore. I knew I had to take a break from the walking.

That turned out to be fine, though, since I had a busy rest of the week. On Tuesday I traveled to another office and worked there, my day was from 8am - 8pmish. Then, on Wednesday and Thursday, I also traveled to other offices to work. So, on Wednesday, I worked from about 7am - 10:30pm. On Thursday, it was about 7:30am - 11:30pm. I was super tired when driving home last night. I actually hit a bunny rabbit on my way home, and that was quite sad. It did cause me to smarten up and slow down, though, since there are often other, bigger animals on those roads. So, as you can imagine, my eating hasn't been super. It hasn't been terrible either. I didn't really have much time to go get a lot of junk, nor did I have the money to do so.

I did go get groceries today, and got quite a few good things. I'm really pleased with that. :) I know that it's possible to do well, but sometimes it doesn't feel so great! Hopefully, once I get rid of this strep throat and get feeling better, I will be able to get back on track, and will be walking more again! I know it's going to be easier to make excuses, because I will be working in a different office for the rest of the month, but I need to just forget about excuses and do it!

Derek and I went to Pizza Hut for supper tonight. When we went in, they were sitting us in a booth. I'm sure some of you know what it's like, when you go to the booth's. It can be a bit uncomfortable. :( Derek's favorite fast food place is Burger King, and it used to be that (I say used to be, because we're trying to avoid these places now) we would have to get take out there at the local one because they have all those tables and chairs that don't move. And, if they don't move, I won't try to squeeze myself into one, because it's just embarrassing. I tried that once in Korea, and got a huge bruise. It was bad! I think it's a bit silly that a restaurant that contributes so much to obesity has seating that feels like it's only for skinny people. That was something that I found very hard to deal with when I came home from Korea. It's not too hard to find a comfortable place to sit in most restaurants in Korea (not that the floor is always very comfy), but here in Canada and in the States, sometimes those booths and seats are so tiny, it's insane to think that all of their customers, in a place where obesity is so rampant, could feel comfortable enjoying a meal there.

Well, this is usually how Derek and I approach a booth situation. We check to see if the tables are moveable, and if they are, then we're usually okay. (If they're not moveable, I'll request to sit elsewhere.) Derek will sit down first, and he'll pull the table much closer to him to give me room to sit down. Well, today he did that, and then I sat down, and basically moved the table back to where it was to begin with. At that point he said, "Wow, you are losing weight!" LOL... When I commented on what he'd just said he started to feel bad for saying it, but I have been trying to encourage him to feel free to be open with his thoughts. He's just so scared of hurting my feelings, and I don't want him to be that way. It was nice that he saw a difference, and noticed it. It made me feel good.

I watched the Biggest Loser today, the first episode of the new season. I must admit, I cried most of my way through it. I think it's going to be a very tough season to watch. There are so many reasons for everyone to be there, and so many sad stories. I don't feel as though the right person went home, though. I'm not convinced that Julio is there for the right reasons. Maybe I'm wrong, but we'll see. :) Of course, I'd love to see Shay do well on the ranch. She has a long ways to go, and I think Jillian and Bob can really push her to do what needs to be done. Every time Abby spoke I was in tears. She's so strong, and she really inspires me to live every day making the right choices. She's amazing. I think I'll definitely be rooting for Abby and Shay this season. I hope they do well!

Update on Weekend Goals

2009-09-13T14:16:00.000-07:00

Well, it's time to fess up and see how I did on my weekend goals:
1. Healthy Grocery Shopping - refrain from purchasing anything silly, like chocolate! We didn't really do any real grocery shopping this weekend, because of low funds, so I didn't have to worry about getting terrible foods.

2. Finally get off my butt and see how long it takes me to walk to my work place. It may take me all day, or may not. We'll see. I'm never going to find out, unless I do it, right? I did it!!!!

3. Finish typing the United Way Recipes for work. :) I still have yet to get these done. I did not work on these at all this weekend.

Well, my biggest goal for the weekend was to definitely walk to work. Everyone told me I was crazy, that it's too much to start out with, that I should just start out slow. Well, I'm sore, and I'm tired now, but I DID IT!! I'm so proud of myself. It took me 1 hour and 26 minutes. I thought it would take 2 - 2.5 hours at least. Now, I know it's do-able. To be completely honest, I would like to get into the habit of doing it in the mornings on my way to work, but I haven't yet figured out how to deal with the sweat. LOL. I would have to take a change of clothes, but if I do that, then I have to carry things, and that may be more annoying. I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. I just know I have to figure something out. I need to be more active. I was watching on YouTube yesterday, the story of the Biggest Teenager in America, the 19 year-old boy who weighed 800lbs. :( It was such a sad story. He said something that kind of hit me. "I don't eat any more than anyone else, but I just don't move.".. Wow, if that's all that it is, then I need to get up off my butt and REALLY start moving! I need to start moving anyways. That story, though, was also sad because everyone was blaming just the mother. While I agree, she's partially to blame, I think the boy is also responsible for himself. I could never put my health issues on my mother. No one else can make a person become that unhealthy. It's all about choices, right?

Speaking of choices... Derek has made a decision. He's ready to go with me! He is ready to give Korea a chance! I'm super excited about that! It will be really awesome! We will have so much fun when we get there! There's just a lot of work to do before that. Please excuse me while I list out what we have to do:

1. Get my degree reprinted.
2. Get official copies of my transcripts.
3. Get married!!!!!!!
4. Legally change my name on all necessary documents.
5. Get my passport renewed with my married name.
6. Find a good school that's hiring next year.
7. Do all the fun paper work. (Get a Criminal Record Check)
8. I might have to go to Montreal for an interview? Maybe?

It's going to be fun! Basically, most of this will have to wait until I get back from Las Vegas, though. :)

Walking will be good for me, because in Korea, I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of walking. I need to work my way back up to it.

And, here's my picture for the day.

This was taken in Thailand. I was sitting on the back of an elephant. It was a pretty awesome experience!

2009-09-11T03:43:00.000-07:00

WEEKEND GOALS:

1. Healthy Grocery Shopping - refrain from purchasing anything silly, like chocolate!

2. Finally get off my butt and see how long it takes me to walk to my work place. It may take me all day, or may not. We'll see. I'm never going to find out, unless I do it, right?

3. Finish typing the United Way Recipes for work. :)

Let's see how I do with these. By the way, for my walk, I will not be asking Derek to come with me. I'll create an awesome play list on my iPOD and set out on my own to get it done. I may call him, though, and get him to come pick me up afterwards. LOL.

Happy Weekend, everyone!

PS... picture was found here.

So, I've Never Claimed to be...

2009-09-10T17:32:00.000-07:00

the most intelligent person on the planet. Sometimes, I can be a bit intelligent, but other times, not so much. I was babysitting tonight. I was dying of thirst. I hadn't had any water to drink at all today. That would be my first HUGE mistake of the day. My second mistake was buying Reese's Pieces Bites while getting groceries for supper. NOT SMART. Well, I was babysitting tonight, my first time with this 4.5 year old. I swear, he's like super smart! He's really cute, and very well behaved. So, most of the time I was thinking, "Well, this is going to be super easy!" Well, that was until his mother called and told me to take him out of her room and put him in his own bed, and while I was doing that, he started throwing up. Now, I'm not a mother. I do not have babies, and I really don't handle throw up well at all. :( The good news is that I didn't throw up myself. The bad news is the poor boy was so not feeling good. As he was sleeping later on through the night, he was crying in his sleep. Thankfully his mother came home early. So, she could make sure he was okay. I really am looking forward to going back there a week from Monday to make sure he's okay, and to spend some time with him. Cause, he's really awesome!

Well, getting back to why I'm a tad bit unintelligent. I was dying of thirst! All the way home, I was thinking, "Is it okay to go into a store to get a drink with vomit on my shirt?" I don't know. I was seriously so worried about it. Until I got almost to my street. I was thinking, do I want to have some pop tonight? I'm so thirsty. Or, do I want water? "Okay, I'll have water." is what I decided. And, then.. Ding!
Yes, a light bulb went off. OH.. okay, why am I going to a store to get either water or pop? My mother-in-law left half a bottle of diet pop in my fridge, and... I have water at home! WTF? Why do I think I need to stop at a store on my way home to buy water?
This is seriously the best water filter ever! I love it! So, yes, duh, save my money, and go home and have what I have there. Well, I came home. I finished off the pop, and I then had a whole bunch of Reese's bites. And, then I smartened up. I put the chocolate in the freezer, and I think I'm going to have some water now. Because really, is anything else going to help me with this insane thirst? Probably not.
Ahh.. nothing really does it like water!

So, yeah, not so intelligent, that is, until the last minute! Then, sometimes I brighten up! Unfortunately, I feel kind of crappy right now. LOL. Of course, it's my own fault. :( OH well.

Thankfully, Derek and I have our apartment to ourselves now. His mom has officially left to go home to BC! Whoo hooo!!!

Tonight, I was reading a blog, and I suddenly had a huge craving for fruits, for healthy food, and couldn't wait to go this weekend to get groceries and healthy ones at that! I think I need to make a list. It's going to be awesome! Oh, and the treats I made last night... I did take them to work to share with everyone there! My co-workers were super appreciative of the treats. :)

And tonight I leave you with some pictures from a crazy night in Korea.
I had gone to a hair dresser and asked for streaks in my hair. This is what I ended up with. Yes, purple, orange, red, and very blonde. Probably, the part in the middle, between the purple and the red is what I really wanted. LOL. This is the front:
It might not be easy to tell, but I'm not completely happy with it, other than the straightness of my hair. :) Below is the results of what crazy hair did to me. I had a really FUN night out on the town in Seoul... one of the few during my time there:
Yup, I had me some fun that night! :)

Okay, so I'll stop WHINING!

2009-09-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.

Henry David Thoreau

Do what nobody else can do for you. Omit to do anything else.
Henry David Thoreau

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau

I never really knew who Henry David Thoreau was, but I like the way he thinks! I guess these are all things that we can learn on our own, but for the most part, we don't. Another one of his quotes, "Be not simply good, be good for something" is really hitting home with me. I haven't yet found my thing, the one thing that I'm super good at. Well, I have found a job that I'm good at. Three years ago on October 10th, I found a job here, in small town NB, so that I could stay and earn a living with the man that I'd fallen desperately in love with. I was good at learning the necessary applications to do that job, so I was told that when they were looking for someone to be a Team Lead, it would be good for me to apply. I did. Was I a good Team Lead? Possibly not. Did I know what I was doing? Yes, did I enjoy what I was learning? Yes. Did I enjoy working with all of the people? Some days. Could I deal with all the high-schoolish drama? NO! So, about a year later, I decided I'd had enough of that, and was ready to move on. Derek and I decided to move to the city where I'd gone to University. Okay, well, if I'm being really honest, I decided, and Derek chose to come along with me. He's good that way. LOL. Well, I thought I was going to be leaving my job, but then I was offered a new position at the head office here in Moncton. So, I went from Team Lead, to working with the Workforce Department, with a boss who was really something amazing. She is a very intelligent woman, and I learned a lot from her. I also thought that I wanted to be a scheduler, that I could learn how to do it. Well, no, that wasn't the case. Being a scheduler was not for me. It definitely takes a certain kind of person to do that job, and I don't really have all of those special "skills".

And then comes my new boss. He's quite an amazing person himself, he is very logical, and decided that another person's job in a different office should be moved to my office, without her. Well, at the same time, it was decided that I'd take on her responsibilities along with all of the other ones I had. Umm.. okay. :) This was a huge leap of faith he was putting on me, someone he didn't even really know. So, I took that job, and started doing some monitoring, for our Internal Quality in the company. This was something the other person had been doing for almost 2 years now. I took it, and made it my own, along with everything that I'd already been doing. About March, my new boss and I were going to a meeting, and I suddenly had verbal diarrhea. I couldn't stop talking. Thankfully, he wasn't put off by my non-stop gabbing, and told me about a new role that may soon be opening up, that he thought might be right up my alley. And, so, in May, I started my role as QA Coordinator at my job.

It was like a huge sigh of relief. I finally found my spot in the company. I LOVE my job. I enjoy the dialogue back and forth with the team on scores that I give to our agents. I like it that they respect my thoughts, and ideas, and do not look down on me as though someone who has no knowledge because I'd never been trained in taking calls for their specific clients. I didn't really ever feel like I'd been respected for a role that I was in before. I mean, as a Team Lead, I knew that I had some on my team, but others hated the air I breathed. In the Workforce Department, I was never a part of the team. They treated the other admin person like crap, and she was okay with that, but I was not. I worked my butt off for them, and I know they missed me when I left. There was a lot of work that I did, that they never had to even think about, and now, they're back to doing a lot of it, either that, or it's just not getting done. But... I digress. Back on track now. I appreciate my boss, I LOVE the job that I have right now. It's awesome! There are days I want to scream and punch someone out, because of bad calls I listen to, but there are other days when the agents I listen to amaze me! That's just how it goes in this industry. Every day is different, things constantly change, new challenges arise all the time, and you have to roll with it. I enjoy MOST of the people I work with in my office. Haha... Some, I could do without, but whatever. If there aren't people you don't care for in your office, then you're living in a dream world. :)

Now, why the big rant? I think there was a purpose to it. Let me see... Oh yes, Henry David Thoreau. Very wise man. :) "Do what nobody else can do for you." "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." Hmm. Did I imagine that I'd be in a management role less than three years into the company with no education in that department? NO. Did I think that I'd have an all expenses paid trip to Las Vegas for a conference? NOOOO, but I sure did hope for one! Does all it all mean that I'm going to give up my dreams to travel around the world for this job? Umm. no. This job is great, I love it, but, I can barely get by on the salary I make. I cannot get my bills paid, I will definitely never have enough to travel anywhere, travelling anywhere from NB is so expensive. So, I guess, that's it. The life that I've imagined consists of this:

1. Being able to afford a yearly trip to some place with a beautiful beach for a week or two.

2. Having a job in which I can then afford to pay my bills, and maybe even save some money.

3. Travelling to other places in the world, meeting many people from all over the place.

4. Filling my passport up with stamps.

5. Getting INSANELY healthy.

6. Doing some crazy things.

7. Finding the man of my dreams. (I'm pretty sure I can put a check mark next to this one. :) )

8. Maybe having children, and raising them to enjoy travel, and cultures as well.

I just want to have fun. Is that so bad? It's not that I hate my job, it's not that I don't respect or like my boss. My boss right now is AWESOME! He's the first boss I've ever had who I don't feel like crying everyone time he sends me an e-mail, saying, "Let's meet and have a chat today."... He's fair, he's honest, and I really respect that.

Okay, so.... I guess I'm making my argument for going to Korea. I'm not sure why, but I am. :)

And, on to my new pictures for today.

The first picture is of the treats I made today. I saw this in a cook book somewhere, and always wanted to make them. I finally did tonight. It's pretty simple. Get one package of pre-made cookie dough, bake it in mini-muffin pan. When it's cooked, take it out and push one mini peanut butter cup in the center. YUMM... It's heavenly. LOL... But, probably, ohhhh so bad!

This is a picture of the clouds that I like. It's right outside my office. I've always liked taking pictures of the sky... and so I took another one. It's awesome! :)

Head Cold = TIRED!

2009-09-09T04:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a good night's sleep in awhile now. It started with a sore throat on Monday, and then yesterday was really just a foggy head and runny nose. Then, last night while trying to go to sleep my throat felt like it was on fire. :( I'm hoping this will pass quickly. I need to get a good sleep.

My mother-in-law is coming back tonight, to spend the night before she flies back out to BC. Umm.. that would be fine, of course it's fine, I mean, it would be less irritating, if Derek wasn't working tonight. But, he is. So, I'll be here, with my MIL for the whole night, probably going insanely crazy. She has that effect on me. It's not really her fault. I'm sure she always has good intentions.. but, really? Please, someone shoot me now! LOL.

This picture was taken this summer, while at a staff summer party. I was getting a really bad burn, but didn't really realize how bad it was until it was too late! I think that will be my last stupid sunburn I get. I'm going to smarten up!

Routine... It's more important than I thought!

2009-09-07T15:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, I didn't realize how much my routine means to me. That is, until I messed it up, and had company, and had to think about entertaining more than just myself and Derek. Last Tuesday, I picked an old friend up from the airport, to bring her across the border, since her passport had expired while she was in the states. She then booked her flight home on Sunday. So, whe had her staying at our place from Wednesday - Sunday. It wasn't all that bad. Wednesday night, we picked Derek's mom up at the airport here in Moncton. She had booked her trip home because Derek and I had been planning on getting married this past Saturday, but had decided to postpone it. Well, she had her flight, and could not get a refund for it, I guess. So, she's back in NB for a week. Thankfully, after day here, she rented a car and headed back home up north. I don't think she's returning until Wednesday night, and then flies out on Thursday. Thank goodness! I need to get my routine back. I'm tired, my throat hurts, and I just want to give up on everything!!!! I know I can't do that. But, I don't know what to do to get myself started again. I haven't been eating terribly bad, but it hasn't been exceptionally good, either. I think, that tonight, I will go to bed early, and then, start fresh in the morning. I even worked all weekend, but I had a hard time focusing. It was awful!

I think, I'm going to do with others do in their blogs, and start doing a photo of the day! I'm excited about it, and hope that you enjoy the pictures I share!

This photo was taken while I was in Korea. I hated how I looked then.. but, really... It's not bad at all, looking back at it! Maybe someday I can get back to looking that good! HA!

Accountability

2009-08-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

Simply For Life, Weight Watchers, TOPS... They're all the same thing. They provide someone with accountability during this very important journey in their life. It's just too bad that both SFL and WW are quite expensive. TOPS isn't too expensive. I saw an ad on Kijiji tonight for the TOPS chapter in Dieppe that is accepting new members. However, since the meetings are in French, it wouldn't really help me too much. It's funny that this is what I was thinking about on my way to work today. I realized that these programs are really all about accountability, and that I need someone to be accountable to.

Fast forward to about 10 am at my desk, and a co-worker who has been working her butt off to learn how to run and to be healthier and I are having a discussion about food, namely the huge chocolate chip cookie at my desk. LOL. So, she says, "I'll hold you accountable, if you'll hold me accountable." And there you go! Accountability is born. Now, each day we have to e-mail each other our food consumption, and exercise for at least 30 minutes, for 5 days a week. If we do poorly with what we eat, the other person may do as they choose to try to teach that person to eat in a more healthy manner. I really need this. Derek doesn't usually scold me on my eating, unless it's ice cream or chocolate and he doesn't want to listen to me whine. Then, he will tell me not to eat it. I rarely listen to him, though! Now, I'll have to be much more careful! Nicole will be watching what I eat. LOL. I guess my meal at McDonald's last night will be my last. That's okay, though, since on the way home from there I felt ill. Not just like upset stomach, but really achy and gross all over. So... if I can succeed at giving up fast food, I'll be good to go!

This evening Derek and I used our free passes for Nubody's. I don't think Derek was very excited about going. He was actually napping right before we went, and I had to wake him up to get going. Well, we had our tour, and then we did a bit of a workout. Oh my goodness... the grin on his face, once he got on the bike, he was beaming! He LOVED it! It occurred to me, Derek had never been in a gym before. He hadn't known what to expect. His excitement encourages me to want to really follow through with becoming a person who consistently works out at the gym. Before I met Derek, he used to bike to work every day. He was in very good shape, and was very thin. Since, I've met him, he's put on some weight. He actually went from a size 32 pants to a 36. I think he's always annoyed about that, but doesn't say anything really.

Here is a picture of him when we first met, he's the tall one on the left:

And this is a picture of him now:
Anyways... Of course, I LOVE him no matter what. I think he's super hot. Haha... but, I think he sometimes feels self-conscious. And then I feel bad, because I think it's my fault. He's taken on my bad eating habits, and is less active because of me. Really, he goes to work, and when he's not working, he stays home and just plays video games all the time. Much like me, who spends my time in front of the computer when I'm not working. That is all going to change very shortly. Once we can afford to pay for a membership to the gym, I believe we will. It's affordable for us on bi-weekly payments, and it will be good for us. Besides, for the money we'll save from not eating a bunch of junk, it will be super!

Derek and I Made a Deal... and my Sister Thinks It's Crazy!

2009-08-26T18:25:00.000-07:00

If you've read any of my blog so far, you'll probably see that I struggle a lot with being in Canada, and wanting to be in Korea. I used to teach English in Korea, spent 6 years there, and was ready to go back until I met Derek and decided to stay in Canada for him. Well, after three years, I'm ready for change. On October 10th, I'll hit my 3 year anniversary at my current job. I'm not sure why, but it seems as though 3 years is always my limit. The two long term jobs I had before this one were in Korea, and they both lasted for 3 one-year contracts. I'm itching for change, and just about to lose my mind.

One thing that helped me was my weekend marathon of watching a Korean drama. LOL. I know, it's a bit crazy, but it really helped me. I almost felt like I was back in Korea for a little bit! When I was coming to an end of watching them Sunday night, I had to have a bit of a chat with myself to remind myself that when I went outside on Monday, I'd still be in Canada, and not in Korea! Mind you, yesterday when I was calling Derek to see if he could pick up an ice cream cake from DQ for dessert at a friend's house, I was imagining the foam containers with ribbon around them that you can get at Korea. LOL... When Derek mentioned something about it melting, I suddenly remembered the packaging that you get in Canada, and came back to reality. Oh well... I'm still living on the high of Korean drama's. Of course, I'm also excited that Pam's coming to see me next week! She was someone I worked with in Korea, and I can't wait to see her!

Now, on to the deal that Derek and I made. We agreed that once I lose 100 lbs, we will go to Korea. Now, my sister believes that it's a crazy deal to make. I need to lose weight because of me, I need to have positive goals, and etc. are her arguments. Well, really, there's nothing more that I want. I yearn to be back in Korea, and so, I guess, if it's going to take me losing 100 lbs to show Derek how serious I want it, then fine. I can do that. I'm not sure, it may take me a while, maybe like 4-5 months, maybe up to a year, but I will not fail at this.

Here are just a few pictures that I have borrowed. They are of some places that I long to go back to. I'm not a people person, but maybe that's why I love it so much. Even though you could be ina group of a million people, it doesn't matter, because you can still be alone, and very happy with it.

ABC Mart!! My favorite shoe store... where I like to get my Sketchers!

So, the big question is... how am I going to lose 100 lbs? Well, I'm going to do what people tell you to do all the time.
1. Eat fruits and vegetables.
2. Eat less high-fat foods and sweets.
3. Eat lean meats (or, maybe even no meats)
4. EXERCISE!

I did get a start on the exercise tonight. I have often considered leaving the car here, and walking to where Derek works and meet him there. Well, tonight I actually did it. It took me 40 minutes in total to get there. (He can do the walk in about 15 minutes... ) Then, we took a different route home, but it still took us 35 minutes. So, that was 75 minutes of working out for me. I'm not sure if I'll do the same tomorrow night, though. The mosquito's were awful. If I do do it, I might have to get some bug spray before. Geez, I hate mosquito's! They're the most terrible things ever.

Anyways... my eating wasn't great today, but it wasn't terrible either. After our walk, we went to Subway for supper, and I had a 12 inch Chicken and Bacon Ranch sub on whole wheat. I had lots of veggies on it, and light mayo. Probably not the best sandwich choice, but... it was a better choice than what I have been making before. :) I'm happy with it for now.

Good night!!

Choices.... and my "A ha" moment of the day... :)

2009-08-24T13:39:00.000-07:00

So, I’m starting to come to my senses. Things are making more sense to me. In my job as a Quality Assurance Coordinator I often get frustrated with our agents, because there are specific things that we need them to ask or say on every call they take, and regardless of how much coaching we do, or training we give them, they are for some reason unable to do it. We work with the agents over and over again to try to assist them with getting these easy sentences/questions out. I don’t understand why they sometimes just can’t get it!

Well, while thinking through that kind of problem this morning I opened up my e-mail and actually opened up an e-mail from Bob Greene. (I usually just delete them.) That’s when I noticed all these points that I hear over and over again.
· Eat fruits and vegetables
· Eat lean meat
· Drink plenty of water
· Eat few sweets
· Move – exercise.
Just imagine… me with a light bulb over my head, and FINALLY it came on! Ohhhh…. It’s kind of the same thing as what I do. Coaching and giving feedback over and over again, only to question myself what is so hard about getting this? And why are these people not getting it? I’m sure that’s the same way that nutritionists, and fitness people and all those who try to help us all think! They tell us the same things over and over again. Over the weekend I set out to read the whole story from Tony’s blog, and eventually realized that in reality, many of the posts say the same thing. It’s all about consistency, and making healthy choices. We could choose to buy a chocolate bar, or we could choose to get an apple, and if we want to change, then we need to get the apple.

I’ve seen changes in my thinking. Usually, if I’m expecting to spend a weekend at home, doing nothing, then I need to go to a store on Friday night and stock up on junk food to get me through. I went to the store on Friday night, because I had to get stuff for Derek’s lunches for work, but I did not buy junk. I actually didn’t even buy him junk for his lunch. I got him some healthier frozen dinners, and a few other things. Normally, if I was looking to spend nights by myself on the weekend, I’d panic, and have to have lots of food on hand. Well, Friday night, all I ate was two apples for dinner. I know, maybe that’s not great, but I was satisfied, I wasn’t hungry for the rest of the night. I think what I’m trying to learn, is that I need to stop boredom eating, and eat when I’m hungry. Any other time, I don’t need to. I can survive. I’m also working on the water. I’ve been drinking lots of it, and am really happy with that!

As far as exercising goes… That’s still something I’m working on. I’ve printed off 3 day passes to Nubody’s for myself and Derek. I’d like it if we could go there, and see if we like it, and maybe if we could afford to join it. I think that would be great for us!! I’m not sure how Derek will feel about it! Haha..

Anyways… that’s my clue in moment of the day… We have to make choices… and it’s not that complicated. The only ones who make it complicated are us, when we choose not to do the things that we know we should!

Pictures from Vacation

2009-08-24T04:53:00.003-07:00

As promised... Here are some pictures from my vacation, that I've neglected to put up here. :)

There is supposed to be a picture of Derek with his salad here, but for some reason it didn't come. :(

No, she's really not in pain... She just looked like that for most of the piictures we took of her!

This is my Alice Springs Chicken... it was really spicy, which is not how I remember it.

Yup... Aussie Cheese fries!

Derek and Derik!!

And Jen at priorfatgirl.com is having a contest to give away a Healthy Cooking book:

http://www.priorfatgirl.com/2009/08/monday-giveaway.html

Jen is really an inspiration, and I enjoy reading her blog every day! Go check her out! :)

So much to say... so little energy...

2009-08-19T16:52:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to ever find the energy to do anything anymore. It's hot.. very hot.. and I just want to go lay in bed.. and sleep or read.. or something. I don't know. I need to do some exercise... someday... but.. where do I start? I don't know. :(

I'm so frusterated with myself...... and everything else. I can't focus at work, I always wish I was elsewhere, I am missing Korea.. and it sucks! It really does!

Some vacation pictures...

2009-08-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

And I just had ice cream.. and feel sick... :( When will I ever learn? Hopefully soon..

Mt. Washington... What a crazy drive!

Clark's Trading Post... towards the end of the train ride.

In the mall in Concord, NH... having an ice cream treat.

We began the trip at Santa's Village in N.H. It was very nice there!

I'll post pictures of Outback tomorrow.... :)

Sears Granting Wishes

2009-08-18T08:14:00.001-07:00

It's HOT!

2009-08-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

Well, August is half finished. It's been a crazy busy month. Last week we went to my parent's place for vacation, and then on Thursday we drove down to NH. I was worried that I'd gain a bunch of weight, but thankfully I didn't. I didn't lose any, but I didn't gain any either. On Friday we went to Outback Steakhouse for lunch. It was good, and of course tasted delicious. I'll not ever forget the look on Sarah's face when she dipped her cheesy fry in the ranch dressing. Yeah, she was not a fan. Oh well, that's okay. She enjoyed her chicken tenders. I enjoyed too many cheese fries, and also of course, had my Alice Springs Chicken... and about 3 glasses of Strawberry-Ade... Well, I'll tell you, I wasn't feeling too hot after eating. I was over stuffed, hot, tired, and irritated. When I was in Korea, I'd eat at Outback Steakhouse a couple of times a week. I'm not sure anymore how I ever did it... or how it didn't occur to me that maybe stuffing myself beyond the point of being able to move and then walking really quick home so I could get to the washroom ASAP wasn't normal. Well, it's starting to sink in. It's so typical for me that often we eat lunch or whatever, and then we go to the mall, or go shopping, and I spend most of the time trying to not have to go to the washroom, or then in the washroom. Well, I'm starting to get tired of that routine. I think I might actually be catching on.... Can you imagine?

Well, shortly after eating at Outback Steakhouse, we were at Target, and I got the book "Skinny Bitch." I will have to give my opinions on that book in a different post. I will say that I learned a lot from it, and you can look forward to some changes in my eating in September!

So, on to the trip to New Hampshire.... It all began at about 4:30 am. We hit the road. We stopped in Houlton for some gas. While I was driving there, I was having a conversation with myself that went something like this: "Don't get chocolate, you'll just get tired." So, what did I do at the Irving at about 6:00 am? I bought two king size chocolate bars. :( So, then of course, by the time we hit breakfast at Dysarts in Bangor, I was sleepy while driving. We had breakfast, and then hit the road for Jefferson, NH. I let Dad drive when we left Bangor. Then, we stopped at another quick pee break, and I had one more chocolate bar. After that, we hit Santa's Village in Jefferson! It was fantastic. There was a lot of walking around, a lot of sitting in theater seats that were way too small, a ride on the carousel, ferris wheel, and train. Derek and Sarah also went on the Peppermint Twist. Dad and I didn't go on that one. We had pizza for lunch while we were there. We spent about 4 hours in Santa's Village, and then hit the road to Belmont, NH. We got there at about 6:00 pm. Then, we waited for Frances to get home from work, and there was discussion on supper. I wanted to go to Outback, and probably some knew that, but no one else really wanted to do that, so I didn't even mention it. After some discussion, we ended up going to Quizno's and had subs. It was good. I actually had a Diet Pepsi with my sub, but it didn't make me feel bad at all. Later that night, I also had a drink of Vodka and OJ. It was good. I drank pretty good that night.

On Friday, there was a long day of shopping. We walked around Wal-Mart, then the mall, and then we had lunch at Outback, then went to Target, back to Sally's, and then off to the Tanger Outlet Mall in Tilton. Derek and I both got new Skechers!! I was so excited!! Whoo hoo!! :)

On Saturday, we went to Clark's Trading post where we did more walking around, did a few tours, watched a bear show, and then went on a train ride. It was great! Then, after a long drive, we finally made it to Mt. Washington. I was so sleepy on the way there! Of course, there was no sleeping on the drive up Mt. Washington. It was such a narrow road, with vehicles going both ways. Once we got up there, there was a huge set of stairs to go up to get to the observatory. It just about killed me. I tried doing it without stopping, but that didn't happen. After walking around up there a bit, I let Derek drive back, because I was exhausted!

Every morning Derek and I woke up at around 6:30 to use the washroom. So, of course, same happened on Sunday. We hit the road at 6:30 am and about 12 hours later (with the time difference) we made it home in Moncton at about 7:30 pm. It actually wasn't a bad drive. I let Dad start us out, and then we stopped for a snack, at which time I got a turkey sandwich, veggie cup, apple and some peanut M&M's. I shared the sandwich and the veggie cup with Derek. And, I actually had no problem with getting tired for the rest of the drive to Woodstock! We stopped there for lunch with my parents and my sister and her kids. (Dixie Lee Fried Chicken.. not the healthiest, but I didn't over do it. I even saved room for a dipped ice cream at Dairy Queen. LOL) Then, Derek drove us home. He's so good at that! It definitely helps that I had the DS to play and keep myself occupied on the drive.

Well, I'm exhausted and am going to hit the hay. I'll write more tomorrow, and will post some pictures. :)

Good night!

Thunderstruck!!!

2009-08-06T17:33:00.000-07:00

August 6, 2009! It's a night that many have been waiting for for quite some time! AC/DC has come to Moncton to rock our city! Did I buy tickets to go see AC/DC? No. Did I really want to go see AC/DC? No. Would it have been an experience of a lifetime to rock out to Thunderstruck with AC/DC live? Heck YES!

That's just how it goes for me, though. When I hear of things like these concerts happening, I talk myself out of them right away. The crowds will be overwhelming. There will not be any place to sit. I'll be uncomfortable. There will be too much walking. It will be too hot. It might rain. And so on and so on. It never really occurred to me what I might be missing until yesterday while I was listening to my iPod, and all of a sudden I hear.."Naa Naaa Na Na... Thunder! Naa Naa Na Na.. Thunder!" And then it hit me! WOW!!!!! What am I missing? And, better yet, why am I missing it? I know why. I always know why I choose not to partake of different things. I know why the thought of doing a 7 hour tour of Boston this Saturday like was suggested makes me feel weak in the knees, I know why the other alternative of climbing Mt. Washington also makes me feel faint. It's because of my weight. I do not feel as though I can keep up walking for 7 hours with those who are in much better shape. No one will understand my need to sit and rest for a few minutes. I feel as though everyone will be waiting for me, and will then feel sorry for me. I will be embarrassed, or better yet, I will embarrass those around me.

This fear needs to change. There is so much I want to do. So, while I sit here, with Thunderstruck playing on YouTube, I'm going to figure out a plan. How can I get enough courage up to do anything if I never start? If my argument for doing anything is, well, I can't do it because of my weight, my question is, what am I doing to change that? I expect so much others. I tell them, if you don't like the situation you are in, then change it. And, I really do tell people that!!! So, if I can preach it, why can't I do it myself? I don't like being restricted on my activities because of my size. I don't like it that I'm going to Las Vegas and I can't really be too excited, because what I really am is worried about fitting in the plane seat.

From this moment on, I'll stop saying, "I CAN'T" and will have the attitude of "Why Can't I??" What is stopping me? Nothing but my own attitude, that's all. The only person who can change that is me.

I decided a long time ago to give up Diet Pepsi. I have for the the most part been successful in this decision. Every now and then I choose to have a Diet Pepsi to drink, but it no longer controls me. Today, I had water for my lunch, and then later on in the afternoon decided to have Diet Pepsi. Well, I didn't drink it all right away. It actually came back to Moncton in the back seat of the car, all the way from Perth with me. And, then, when I was driving home in Moncton, I drank it. Shortly after that, of course, I felt ill again. So, I believe it's going to have to be no for the Diet Pepsi for good. Hopefully, it won't take me super long to figure that out.

And just because it's been on my mind as of late....

Suffering Fool

2009-08-04T04:25:00.000-07:00

So.. yes, I'm in pain. And, yes, it's my own dumb fault. We had our work summer party on Saturday, and instead of being intelligent, I decided to wear a tank top and have my back and arms out available for the sun to just burn burn burn. Well, yup.. and that's what it did. I didn't actually think I was in the sun that long. I thought I spent most of my time in the shade. I guess that wasn't the case, though. Mostly, the only parts of me that are sore are the ones that are newly burnt. But, they are sore. The night before last I wasn't able to get any sleep at all, and the same was almost true for this past night. But, I did get some, and even though the shower hurt, not because it was hot, but because of the water beating down on my sore skin, it does sort of feel a bit better. Hopefully, it will heal soon.

So, last week I was approved to go to Las Vegas in October for a conference!! I'm super excited, and a little concerned as well. I need to lose some weight before it's time to get on those planes. What am I going to do?

Next week I'm taking some vacation time, and Derek and I are going to visit some family in New Hampshire! I'm really looking forward to that. When we went last year we took my dad, my grandmother and my niece. It wasn't the most exciting trip for us. Not to mention that we'd spent the entire week before at my sister's house babysitting. So, by the time our vacation was finished we were exhausted. Well, this time it's just going to be Derek and I going on our own. While we are down there on Saturday, we're going to go to Boston and check out some things there! That's also really exciting! I've always wanted to go visit Boston, and now we're going to be able to. Mind you, I'm a bit worried about doing a lot of walking, because I'm not much of a walker yet, and it's probably going to be tough. I did BEG Derek not to let me be dumb and get another sun burn like this one while we are down there. I'm sure he'll help me make wiser decisions. He's usually good at that stuff.

I'm looking forward to Outlet Mall shopping. I really need new clothes for work, and the outlet malls will be the best places to find them. Hopefully, they will be as cheap as everyone says they are. I'm sure we will be able to find some deals at them.. Hopefully!

Well, yes.. the scales were up today. But, I'm sure they'll go down this week. Derek and I don't have a lot of groceries to go through, so it will be an eat what you go deal, and that's not a lot. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but we'll see! I was supposed to go get fitted for contacts tonight after work, but I think I'll wait and do it next week. I'm going to see if I can get my vacation for the whole week, instead of just Thursday and Friday. Then, I can get ready for our trip!! :)

Not Such A Great Weigh In

2009-07-28T04:29:00.000-07:00

So, it appears as though I like to sabotage myself the night before the big weigh ins.. What's up with that? I don't get it! I did so good all day yesterday... and then it came time for supper.. And I wanted some pizza! Frig.. I didn't have it.. but.. what I did have was potato salad and chicken pieces... which were very much fattening and full of calories that I didn't need. So, there you have it! Of all times for my mind to go crazy with desires for fattening food, it had to be after a very disciplined day of eating well, and then the night right before a weigh in. GRRR!! So my weigh in today was 378.8.. up from last week and not down very much at all for the whole thing. FRIG!!!

My blood pressure was also a bit high last night. The first time I did it it was 137/91 and the second time was 138/87...

Well, off to a new week of trying to do better... Saturday is our office summer party and there will be lots of REALLY good food there, so I'm not sure how well I'll do then.. but hopefully I won't be too bad!

My Eyes are Fine

2009-07-26T18:41:00.001-07:00

Okay, so my appointment with eye specialist was interesting. I found out that the shimmery, flashing half circles I was seeing are actually more likely to be migraines. It's quite interesting considering I've not really had any pain associated with them. Oh well, I guess I won't complain about it. At least it's nothing serious.

This is what my eyes looked like after the specialist was done with them. I had to sit in the hospital to wait for my pupils to be less dilated so that I could drive home. After an hour, I decided I'd try it, but the bright sun (of all days for it to be sunny) was very painful and made for a very scary drive home. I was shielding one eye with my hand and had the other one practically completely closed. I had to practically hold them open while I drove. Very scary... Thankfully, no one was hurt, and it turned out okay!

Now... if I could just stop having arguments with myself about Korea.. Life would be superb.. :(

Blood Pressure is back to Normal

2009-07-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I checked my blood pressure today and it was really normal. I'm very pleased with that. Tomorrow morning I will see the eye specialist. Hopefully things there will turn out okay as well. :) I've gotten some great foods today to assist me in my plan. I'm going to eat six small meals a day, and hopefully this will help me in getting healthier and losing weight. I just need to make a meal plan, and really, really, really stick to it. It's going to be hard. Derek and I also decided not to go on our trip to NH, not for the sake of me joining WW or SFL, but instead we will purchase a Wii, and a WiiFit or some other Wii fitness program. I think it will be great! I've heard a lot of great things about the Wii and people losing weight from working out on it. :)

I only wanted new glasses....

2009-07-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

But, I ended up leaving Costco without new glasses and instead a letter to see an eye specialist. I mentioned to the eye dr. about the shimmering half circles I'd been seeing, and the spots that I sometimes saw... and then he had a close look at my eyes and saw some retinal tearing. He was also concerned about diabetes. So, he wouldn't even consider getting me set up with new glasses until I had that all looked at. Off to the ER I went with my letter from this eye Dr. to get things checked out. Well, my blood pressure was like 154/100 when they registered me. The ER Dr. couldn't really see too much of the tearing, but took it very seriously, so he set me up to see an eye specialist on Sunday morning. He also tested my blood sugar levels, and they are normal, so diabetes is ruled out. They did take my blood pressure again before I left, though, and that was down a bit to 152/94. Still way too high. So, for the next two weeks, I have to take it on my own daily, and if I notice that it remains high, I need to go back to the hospital. If it's lower, then I can wait for my follow up appointment on August 8th. I was so stressed out, and couldn't stop crying. Of course, he said if my blood pressure continues to be high, we may have to look at treating it with medication. A healthy lifestyle and lower weight could assist in eliminating that problem too, he said. I KNOW that... but I don't seem to know what to do. Now, my mother has asked me to forget about my trip to New Hampshire that Derek and I were going to take in August, and instead to join WW or Simply for Life or something to try to help me in getting my weight under control. It is a good idea, I guess. I have to talk to Derek about it. I really don't know what to do. :( I'm so stressed out, and I had chocolate today, and last night... and it's not helping me feel any better at all!

I have a plan....

2009-07-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

or, at least I think I do. I was chatting with someone today who was talking about weight loss hypnosis. Well, I guess really all that the person who does the hypnosis does is instill in the person's mind that things they are addicted to are bad.. ie, Pepsi is full of bugs.. so of course I wouldn't want to drink it, right? Well, I need to start doing something like that with chocolate. I don't need chocolate, but for some reason it's mindless eating for me, and I convince myself I need it. Really all it does is make me tired, and makes me fell ill like pop does.. I've just been telling myself that I'm not ready to give it up. BUT........ I really think I need to! So, starting now, I'm going to try to say good bye to chocolate. I think I'm going to start associating it with bugs, spiders, ants, worms.. all those lovely things. That will keep me away from it.

It's sooooo sad.... but, in the end, it will be very much worth it!!

So, I should be sleeping...

2009-07-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

I know, I know.. It's 12:51 AM, and really, I should be sleeping. In my defense, it really is just too hot to sleep, and I have too much on my mind to want to sleep. I need to lose weight. There's really no ifs ands or buts about it. I have been quite successful at giving up Diet Pepsi, ice cream and of course Bananas. That is, of course, with the exception of tonight. Tonight, I decided, since we went out to dinner (Derek's mom sent us a lovely cheque, so we treated ourselves out) that I would have Diet Pepsi (or.. Diet Coke like they had at Don Cherry's). Well, let me tell you... I had been really convincing myself that it wasn't the pop that had made me feel cruddy, but probably another case of banana. Eh... not so much. I felt so sick when we got home, it wasn't even funny. So, yeah... now, I remember why I don't want to drink pop anymore and will do all I can to avoid it from now on... It seems to be okay if I have a glass of water right next to it, and am drinking both, but... that's really kind of dumb. I could just be reaping the benefits of drinking water only. That would be smarter. I also wanted to go to DQ tonight after dinner and get a blizzard. On our way there, Derek said casually "You don't really want DQ." or.. Maybe he said I don't really need it. Either way, I actually agreed with him. Of course, he thought I was angry with him, but I wasn't. I was listening to him, and knew that really, he was right. I think about how sick I felt from just the pop and am really glad he said that to me, because the blizzard would not have helped at all.

I don't really know how to lose this weight. I am not sure what to do. I am thinking that since we are going up home next week, maybe I will try to go over to the states and get the Alli pills. Maybe they will work for me? I really wish there was a magic pill. I would love to be able to walk/run/jog. The problem is that at my weight, it's really hard to do that. My back hurts, my knees probably can't take it. So, I'm going to set little goals, and work my way down. I need to find ways to reward myself that are both healthy for me, and that I can afford to do. It will be mini goals. Since I'm starting at almost 380lbs, and let me tell you, I don't EVER want to get past that mark, I will set my first goal to get to 360. Once I reach that goal, I will go buy myself a new t-shirt. Lord knows, I can sure use new clothes. I am getting very tired of wearing the same dumb shirts over and over again. :(

Also, I am hoping that in October I will be given permission to go to a conference in Las Vegas. Whoo hooo!! Hopefully that will be something to work towards feeling better about myself on. :)

I know I can do this, and I know that Derek will support me all the way. I just need to remind myself that I have set goals for myself, and need to continue to work towards reaching them!

Photos to Begin My Journey With

2009-07-20T20:12:00.001-07:00

Bye Bye Dear Friends....

2009-07-14T17:46:00.001-07:00

So, I've decided that I need to say good bye to a few more friends. Since I gave up Diet Pepsi, I have had some pop a couple of times, mostly with meals, and after I'd had a lot of water through out the day. I am pretty pleased with myself and with how well I've actually accomplished breaking my addiction to something. So, since I've stopped drinking that, I have decided there are a few more things I'm ready to be rid of.

1. Bananas - The last two times I had a banana I got so ill I thought I was going to pass out. It was bad. I always passed it off as the food I had with the banana, like the ice cream for breakfast or the pop tart. But, then thinking back, I realized that both times that I felt that way were when I'd had a banana, so I am done with bananas.

2. Ice Cream! *Sigh* Ice cream is so good... But, alas, even though I can blame it on the banana, really, I had some ice cream tonight after work, and I felt really cruddy again. So, I'm giving it up. No more ice cream for me. I will survive. It's not like I have ice cream all the time. Nor do I have bananas all the time. So, these two things will be easy to eliminate from my diet.

I'd be on the look out for when I decide to depart from CHOCOLATE... That will be a tough one, and I will fight it.... but, eventually I will come to that point, I'm sure. :) It will just be a tough one.

Now, I did do my weigh in this morning and it was terrible. I need to do something... because I'm just continuing to get heavier and heavier. Pretty soon I'll be at 400lbs, and will not know what to even do with myself. My health care coverage that I pay for every pay will not cover weight loss pills. They refuse to. So, I could purchase them myself, but I don't think I can afford them. Not that I know, no one's told me how much they actually cost. I think I'm going to try to get some Alli when we go to New Hampshire next month. Maybe that will help me get a kick start. Something needs to give. I would like to take up a running program where you run for a minute, walk for a minute and so on, until your body is ready for the full on running. I'm just not sure how to even get started though. Today, I did drink my 2 liters of water... I know that's not enough. I have to do more... but I'm not sure what to do. I don't even know where to start. How bad is that? If I keep going the way I've been going, I'll just probably end up dead.. or stuck to my bed for forever. :(

To Go or Not to Go... That is the Question!

2009-07-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

I find myself more and more drawn to going back to Korea. Of course, I would want Derek to go with me. I'm just unsure if it's what I really want. I continue to struggle with it, and am trying to figure out what to.

I know that before I go I have to do a couple of things:

1. Get my passport renewed. It expires in April of next year. It would be better to renew it here rather than in Korea again.

2. Get my degree reprinted. The last time I was planning on going to Korea my degree was lost when I did not go. Now, I have to see how much it costs to have my university reprint it.

3. Get more transcripts from my university. That's not going to be a problem.

4. Jump through all the necessary hoops to get a work visa.

5. Lose some weight so that the flight isn't torturous.

6. Save enough money for Derek to get a ticket there. :):):):)

Here are a few reasons I am dying to get back:

1. Much better health coverage, that does not cost a fortune.

2. Kalbi

3. Subways are cheaper than owning a car.

4. Warmer winter with less snow.

5. I actually want to teach again.

6. More laid back lifestyle.

7. Kangnam :)

8. Phuket!!!!!!!!

I know.. I'm probably crazy... and I could possibly be just as miserable there. I can't really feel imagine not giving it another chance, though.

Since Derek and I have postponed our wedding.... until who knows when.. I feel as though it would be great for us to look into this sooner, rather than later. It would be smart, though, for us to maybe wait until after Christmas for this big step. Then, it's possible that my bonus would be enough to cover travel expenses. :) So... We'll see how things go!!!!

2009-06-26T03:38:00.000-07:00

I LOVE Diet Pepsi! If I had nothing else but Diet Pepsi to drink, I'd be happy. Of course... that happiness would only last so long as I was drinking it. The after effects have not been so great lately, and I'm just getting tired of it. Lately I've been feeling very ill after I drink Diet Pepsi. Today, I am saying good-bye to it for good. I will refrain from drinking most types of pop for a very long time. Hopefully, by eliminating this from my diet, I will be able to start feeling better, and I will be more inclined to drink more water, which is better for me anyways... So... Good Bye my friend. I'll miss you, and your company on long days at work, and at home. I'll miss you when I am having those fantastic meals that you came so well with. I wish our relationship could have lasted longer. Just remember, it's not you, it's me! Well, actually, in this case, it might actually be you. ;)

Another Day, Another Dollar

2009-06-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, first.. Let's get to the food stuff...

Supper on Monday night:

The pizza was made with Naan bread. It was delicious, and I wanted to eat a second one, but I followed suit with Derek and just had one, and saved the second one for lunch the next day. Of course, it tasted just as good for lunch on Tuesday.

Supper on Tuesday was a pretty fast deal:

Roasted chicken breast and salad with fat free Italian dressing. It was good, but I was still kind of hungry, so I thought I'd have the salsa dip I got with the multi grain Tostitos. They are so good! The salsa dip wasn't so great, though. I only had like one bite of it. After eating all of this I felt quite ill all night, though. I don't know why. Most food that I eat makes me feel sick. :(

For lunch on Wednesday, I had a sub, but I didn't get a chance to take a picture of it. It was chicken with bacon, lettuce, green peppers, onions, mayo. Very good... I also had two macaroons with it and a bottle of pepsi.

For supper, Derek and I had burgers. I took a photo of his. They looked better. Mine were the same without the mustard. :)

Now, I must say... I'm a bit depressed these days. I really, really want to go back to Korea! I miss it. It's been almost four years since I've been there, but I really can't wait to go back. Derek and I will be married in September, and hopefully we'll be able to go over shortly after that. We had decided on waiting until next year, and go in January or February, so that I could get a bonus to help pay for his flight, but I don't know if I can hold out that long. Everything about this country annoys the crap out of me. Perhaps I'll just have to suck it up, but I don't really want to.

Next week I'm going to be in Rogersville all week. LOVELY! LOL...

Strange...

2009-06-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have two blogs... One is about losing 1 pound per day in 99 days.. before my wedding... and I just posted a blog in that, but it somehow ended up here. I'm not sure how that happened. Bizarre!!
Here is the link to my other blog... I guess I'll just keep working on one...

http://99days1pound.blogspot.com/

A New Approach

2009-06-22T08:27:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon,

So, I'm home sick today. It seems as though practically everything I eat makes me feel ill these days. Well, last night Derek and I had these burger things that are fast and easy, and they did not settle well for either of us. I was feeling sick to my stomach all night last night, and so here I am... after much sleep this morning, I'm still feeling sick.

Anyways! About my new approach. I've decided that I'm going to keep a photo food journal. I have started taking pictures of my meals, and will continue to do so, so that I can keep record of what I'm eating. I haven't gotten so good at photographing food yet, or at making sure I capture all of my snacks, but, I am finding that I'm really enjoying it. I am also helping my fiancee, Derek, help me. He is much more sensible about food, and I'm constantly encouraging him to show me what he does, or to help me be more common sensible. Hopefully, soon it will help.

Okay, so here are my meals from Saturday and Sunday...

Saturday, June 20, 2009

We started out with lunch at KFC. Not the best choice. Neither of us felt well afterwards.

Then, for supper, we made some really awesome ribs from Costco, and had a salad with it. It was delicious! I'd already taken a bit of the ribs when Derek reminded me that I was supposed to take a picture of them. After eating this, I did not feel ill, I just felt like I needed more ribs! LOL... And, I don't usually like ribs, they're kind of messy. :)

Now, in between meals on Saturday I believe I had some chips, but that was mostly it.

Sunday, June 21, 2009... Happy Father's Day!!

We started out with lunch, and I didn't really want anything greasy, so we headed to Subway, where we actually were really good and just got 6" subs. That's very rare for Derek and I. However, he wasn't too hungry, and so I was following his lead. Still, after lunch, my stomach wasn't really all that thrilled with me, perhaps it was the hot peppers?

We then headed over to Costco to try out some of their fantastic samples. The only one I actually tried was a pork medallion thing. And, it was DELICIOUS. :) I am looking forward to going back there and getting some of those sometime.

After leaving Costco, we headed out for some ice cream. Derek ordered a small Tiger and I ordered a small Peanut Butter Fudge Crunch. Derek then realized that his Tiger was not what he had expected and so we did a switch and I ate the Tiger while he worked on my PBFC. Well, he's not much of an ice cream fan.. and a small at this place is still huge. So, I ended up eating all of his and half of my own. Here's what I had of my own...

That was definitely too much ice cream! When we got home, I was so tired.. and exhausted I had to have a nap, and I believe I slept for about 3 hours?

Anyways, we had a pretty late supper, and had onion rings and these Sunrise burgers that are the thin ones.

Notice the awesome Christmas napkin? Haha... The onion rings were fantastic!! They tasted yummy, and were just easy. We got them from Sobeys, frozen. We'll definitely be getting more of those. I also made some brownies.

I only had a little sliver of these before going to bed. But, I also downed a small glass of pop before bed that did not help me with my stomach troubles... *Sigh*.. when will I ever learn?

So, now it's Monday, June 22nd.. and I've been working away at the brownies. They're good, but still aren't making me feel any better.

We will be having home made pizza for supper, and I will be sure to post a picture of it tomorrow!

By the way... my weight, this morning was 377. I'm not losing anything... and I'm getting very frustrated. Hopefully, getting Derek on board with me will help a lot!

Christmas Time's A Comin'

2008-11-04T18:58:00.000-08:00

My favorite time of year is Christmas. For some reason, thinking about it gives me warm fuzzies, and I get very excited. Of course, the excitement usually occurs much too early. Most years, I begin listening to Christmas music sometime in August. Then, I tolerate all of the Halloween happenings so that we can finally move on and get "officially" in the Christmas mood. Over the years, I've been trying to think about why I love Christmas so much. I don't think that there are any particular fond memories from when I was a child, that specifically makes me enjoy it. I remember some Christmasses spent at my paternal grandparent's home and coming down to the living room in the morning and seeing all of the presents under the tree. Then there were always the fantastic family gatherings with my dad's awesome stuffing. My favorite is sitting in the living room at night and just having the Christmas tree lights on. I don't always have a lot of support , though, with my love for Christmas.

Some think I'm a bit on the crazy side, but that's okay. I will continue to love this holiday. I love to bake and decorate. I cannot wait to get started. This year will probably be the first year that Derek and I spend Christmas on our own. It should be interesting, but very fun to start our own holiday traditions. I love to buy him Christmas gifts. Pretty soon, we will begin our wish lists for Christmas and then we'll know what each other wants. I'm sure we will have a fantastic Christmas together.

New Blogger

2008-10-19T04:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've never had a blog before. I'm not really sure where to start, but I am going to give it a go. It might be a good place to journal how my days are going, and what's happening in my life. I'm not sure how much it will interest anyone else, but I am excited about it!